Day 230 - Radiation #18... not so much

Today was radiation #18. However, when I got there, the machine was broken. So I waited for awhile to see if the machine would be fixed. It got fixed. I got on the bed and was all ready to go and then it was broke again. Sigh. So now my last treatment isn't until September 17. Still 28 sessions, but now it's extended an extra day. But what can you do? Nothing really. I could have waited to use LINAC 3, but that would mean that they would have to squeeze me in at 8p. Um, no thank you. I'm in bed by then. But it was very interesting nevertheless. I got some pictures of the machine. The LINAC was "upside down" and it was in a position I had never seen. It's been in that position, however, I have always been on the bed getting zapped. But it was interesting to see it from a different perspective. I also got pictures of Rebecca, Linea and Beth. So when I'm not too lazy and so interested in watching Caillou, I'll post pictures.

So, I still have a fact for today... Fact #18a: Today I got to see the computer system that is designed for my treatment. It's all computerized... to some degree. On the screen it has the five radiation fields that are designed for me. The just have to click on one and then they computer does the rest... in terms of setting up the field. So Dan picked my clav area and when he clicked on it, it showed the coordinates, dosage and stuff needed to line me up. In addition, there's a little animated box that shows the MLCs and the shape it makes. It animates as the keys are moving. Too cool. So each zap does the same thing... the machine sets up according to the computer.

So as I was waiting the second time... I saw many people going into the radiation room. One of them happened to be, Dorothy, the chair of radiation therapy. That would be Dan, Linea, Rebecca, etc. boss. She stopped and introduced herself to me. She apologized. I said "so what, it happens." I mean, what are you going to do... sit there and seeth? Nope, that isn't going to help any. Beth said that lots of people tend to get upset. But honestly, don't sweat it. That's one thing that I've learned is that it's pointless to get upset over certain things. It's not going to help. But after the second time it was broken, they said that they have to take the machine apart. So then I went home. Just a little bummed I won't be ending treatment on 9/14. But what are you going to do? I'd rather have a working machine that is radiating the appropriate places on my body. Oh yes, Dorothy said that there are checks the system goes through, so if there's one part that isn't functioning well, then it shuts down. Good checks and balances system!

Oh yes, I met a woman in the waiting area. She also had stage 3 breast cancer. She had an aggressive form. She said she went in for a mammogram in August - nothing there. Then in January... I think that's what she said... she went back to the doctor because she found the lump. In any case, she had a lumpectomy, but they found that the lump went all the way to her muscle. Wow! That's crazy. In anycase, she had four lymph nodes involved. So they ended up doing chemo on her after the lumpectomy. She had 6 rounds. Following that, she is in for 38 treatments of radiation. But I think that she's dealing with lymphedema because I saw a compression wrap on her arm. Her hair was growing back really nice. She had a wonderful smile. She works there at OHSU. So we chatted a little about the infusion room on the waterfront and being positive about treatment and beating this awful disease.

Until next time....

Day 134 - Pictures...

Nothing much to report on the home front. Just continuing to recover from my cold. I am about 95% there. Every so often I get into a coughing fit, but they are few and far between.

Here are a few photos that I just hadn't gotten a chance to post.

Yummy basket from Mom & Vern to celebrate no more chemo-sucky.

These pictures were taken on 5/17 when I had pre-op appointments.

At the base of the OHSU tram. There's an overpass that has been under construction the whole time I have been undergoing treatment. It's just about done. It goes over I-5 and has an elevator.

On the tram looking at Downtown Portland. We are over I-5.

At the top, looking down. The building to the right of the tram cables at the bottom is the Center for Health and Healing. I spent many hours on the 7th Floor.

That's me and Brooke. She's a Nurse Navigator and simply AWESOME!

Jennifer and me. Jennifer is a CNA (counterpart of Jon's) and she was out sick the day of my last treatment, so I had to stop by the infusion room to get a picture. She was a great cheerleader during my treatment.

Last night I went out to dinner with best friends, Tracey and Eugene. We went to piazza italia. Yumm-o! We celebrated no more chemo sucky. Thank you for my wonderful gift - a full service pedicure and my "Jacob's Ladder." So excited for what's to come. :) Tomorrow my dad comes into town and we'll be going back to the Portland City Grill for more celebration.

Day 117 - Round 8 The End!

Round 8... the final round of chemo sucky...

There is no internet connection here at OHSU for some reason. I don't know why, so I will write and then post later. Currently I am halfway done with my last treatment! Today has been so awesome. I never dreamed it would be here so fast. But it is and I am super duper excited.

So, I went in for my bone density scan. I had to strip down to just my panties and then wear one of those fabulous hospital gowns. Then I laid on a table while the machine took x-rays of my spine and my right hip. What they are looking for is how far the x-rays penetrate my bone. My spine looked great and so did my hip. No signs of bone loss. They only looked at my right hip because if they see bone loss there, then it should be throughout my whole body.

Then it was time to head upstairs for labs and meet with Dr. Luoh. I had to go pee really bad, so I walked back into the infusion room to get a specimen cup. Jon was back there and he has several specimens in his hand. I asked him if he can print up a label. He replied, "Can't you see I'm busy?" To which I retorted, "That's why God gave you two hands!" So he printed me a label. As I was leaving to go back to the waiting room, the starter nurse, Net, saw me and said that I she was just about to find me to start my line. Oh good... I got my needle and blood draw and then went out to wait for Dr. Luoh's appointment.

Got called in and saw Dr. Luoh. It's nice being the first patient on his list. Excellent. My appointment was done in 1/2 an hour. We talked about how this past go around was. I told him that it's good and that I didn't get sick at all. He was happy with that report. He checked my breast and said that it looks like the tumor is getting softer. We went over the bone density and the clotting test. He said that I am already ahead of the curve when it comes to the clotting issue... I guess meaning that I don't have any mutations, so we don't have to worry about blood clots. We talked about the next step and when I will be seeing him again. Looks like I will be seeing him in September. I said, oh yea, a summer vacation! We talked a little about surgery and lymph nodes. I asked him how long does chemo sucky stay in your body. He said that the medicine is in your body for about a week after. Then I asked him if I could get a picture with him since he took pictures of me at the beginning of treatment. So here is the result:

Me and Dr. Shiuh Wen Luoh

Following that, I went to go schedule my neulasta and hydration appointment. It was then Jon said he had a chair for me. It was 1030. Sweet! I got to start my treatment early which means I get to leave early! Maybe I'll get to stop and get a frappaccino.

I've been getting so many visitors today. Bruce Murdock (DJ for K103 radio), on his way home, stopped by to say hello. He stayed for about a half hour and we just talked about anything and everything. It was good to see him. Next, Jim Newman who works here at OHSU, stopped by for our last treatment. If you recall, we've met up with him twice before for lunch or just to converse. Today he bought and brought us lunch to celebrate. So flippin' excited. I had a cobb salad and the boys had a reuben. It was sooo tasty. Following that I got asked to be in a study. They want to take some of my tumor biopsy and search for DNA mutations. I don't know if I want to participate because it stays in my medical records. I wouldn't have to do anything or pay anything. Hmmm...

Bruce Murdock & me

Jim Newman, Brad and me

So I should now have about an hour left. I am so excited. Did I tell you how excited I am?? Very very very excited.

**** **** ****

Okay, now I am home. I go done with my chemo sucky at 2:40p... which was 20 minutes early. I was a tad bit disappointed as there were no whistle or bells or certificates stating that I was done with chemo sucky. But that's okay, I had my own cheering squad. I won't say that I am completely done with chemo sucky until I get though the weekend.

Here are a few more picures...

Kerry Weymouth (social worker) and me

Brad was complaining about the visitor's chairs being uncomfortable, so we traded places.

He thinks my chair was more comfy.

Dr. Luoh passed by and did a double take when he saw me sitting in a regular chair and Brad in the chemo chair. He just chuckled.

Two of my favorite Oncology Nurses, Beverly and Nicole.

And that concludes Phase 1 - neo-adjuvant chemotherapy. Off to Phase 2 - surgery. This will be my hiatus from everything and I won't have to do much but relax and get stronger.

Tomorrow I get my 4mg of Neulasta and my one liter of saline. Then I wait and see! I promise I will get a picture of the $6,000 shot. I want to get a picture tomorrow of the 4mg shot. Then I'll show you both!

Oh yes, when I got home, I had a package waiting on my front porch. My dear friends Annie, Brooke and Kelli sent me chocolate covered strawberries to celebrate my last and final treatment of chemo sucky. Thank you so much girls! I love you! xxxooo

I'm sure I am forgetting something.... so thank you if I haven't thanked you already!

Day 116 - 'Twas the night before chemo-sucky...

Hee hee hee!

'Twas the night before chemo-sucky and all through the house
Holly was jumping and hollering
And not quiet like a mouse!

Yay! I finally made it! The last treatment of chemo-sucky. I did it. I am soooo incredibly excited to be at this point. I knew I would get here, but it has come soooo fast. The 8 treatments or 16 weeks have really gone by in a flash. I am so ready to be done with Phase 1 and to move forward to Phase 2. (Phase 1 - chemo sucky; Phase 2 - surgery; Phase 3 - radiation; Phase 4 - reconstruction) I am happy to know that the finish line is in sight. And I am so happy not to have to take steroids tonight!!! Yeehaw!

Thanks to my KATU friends... we just got our second and last delivery of meals.

And now I remember what I was going to write about in the last post...
Chris, my brother-in-law, fixed my car!! It was a short in the spark plug wire that was making my car shake and quiver. The wire was broken and the current was most likely arching to the other side. That's why it would not shake sometimes and other times it would.

Tomorrow my day starts at 8.30a with a bone density test. Fun times.

Until tomorrow...

Day 103 - Round 7!

I know I am late posting this... but I've been busy. :)

Round 7... means I only have one more treatment to go! I'm almost there!

On Thursday we met with Dr. Luoh and went over the test results of the ultrasound. He's very happy that everything is going down and that I am still responding to treatments. We are going to keep on the same regimine. He was also pleased that I didn't get as sick as I had been getting. So he ordered another hydration of a liter of saline for Friday and then 4mg of Neulasta to follow. I do think that is making a difference. We also discussed my BRCA2 positive result. He said that will most likely change some of the post treatment. I was going to go on tamoxifen for five years, but since I tested positive, he says that I will most likely get an oophorectomy and then be on tamoxifen for about 1-2 years and then I will be put on a different hormone suppressor. We want to get rid of the estrogen in my body. He said if I don't want to do the oophorectomy, they have drugs to put my ovaries to sleep. In any case, either way, estrogen will drop about 92% in my body. There are other organs that would provide the other 8% of estrogen, so I would never quite be free of estrogen. But a 92% decrease is good. I like Dr. Luoh. He is so thorough. I also asked him after my chemo-sucky treatments will there be more cancer in my body. He said yes, and that's what the hormone therapy and stuff is for. We are going to starve the cancer by getting rid of the estrogen receptors. Makes sense. He said that there may still be some "floating" around in my body... most likely from where my tumor is. But he's confident I will be fine. I trust him. Oh yes, and then he told me that he wanted me to have an ultrasound done on my left leg. He was worried about me having deep vein thrombosis (DVT)... or  blood clot in my leg after last week and my spleen issue. So after my chemo-sucky treatment, I was to go downstairs to the third floor to get an u/s. Fun times.

Next on the list of things to do was to talk to the genetic counselors. That was fast and easy. I had many of my questions answered when Kelly called me to give me the results. So there was nothing new there. They just suggest that I get out the parts before I am 40. Most likely I will get them out sometime this year, either during the double mastectomy or reconstruction. Everything seems to be going as scheduled.

Following my chemo-sucky, I went downstairs for my ultrasound. They found nothing. But it was cool looking at my veins and arteries in my leg. I am learning so much stuff about my anatomy.

Day 102 - Almost there!

Nothing really to report today. I am finally in the home stretch of chemo-sucky. Only two more treatments to go (I hope). I've got a question on my list... does Dr. L think that I will have to go through more chemo-sucky after my surgery? Does he think the chemo-sucky got it all?

Tomorrow I have to meet with the genetic counselor and they will go over our options. But I already know what I face. Other than that... I've got a crying kid.... so I have to get going.

Day 101 - I'm shrinking! I'm shrinking!

I went in today for my ultrasound. I had a different sonographer who took the pictures and measurements. When she was done she said she was going to talk to the doctor. I asked her if Dr. Chan was in. She said yes. I said good because he is the one who has been following me. So Dr. Chan came in a few minutes later with a Dr. Yow (I think??) who was an OB/GYN resident. I told him that I was BRCA2+. He said that's the reason why I got breast cancer so early. Yup. Then I said that I will most likely now have to get an oopherectomy. The other doctor nodded yes. Anyway, Dr. Chan wanted to look at my breast again. I like him. He said that the tumor was shrinking. It measured 2.2 x 1.8 x 1.6 cm compared with a previous measurement of 3.6 x 3.3 x 2.0 cm. Then he moved to the axillary nodes (under my arm). He found two nodes and said that they are kidney shaped and they don't appear as thick. The largest measured 1.0 x 0.9 x 0.3 cm compared with a previous measurement of 1.4 x 1.0 x 0.7 cm. Then he measured the node in my neck. It measured 1.2 x 1.1 x 0.5 cm compared with 1.5 x 1.4 x 0.6 cm prior. So he was happy with everything and said the treatment is doing what it's supposed to do. The last time I had any measurements was just before my third AC treatment. So I've gone through 4 more treatments. I wish it had gone down even more... but we are moving in the right direction. You'll have to remember that the axillary nodes when I first got to OHSU were "clumpy" and they could find no clear node. So now that they can find the nodes again is awesome. In fact, he was having trouble finding one of the lymph nodes under my arm. So this is good.

Now I get to look forward to two more treatments. And I seriously mean that I get to look forward to two - not 8 a few months back. Let's hope that I don't get sick again. I want to feel good this weekend. That will mean that maybe I will feel good on Mother's Day!

Oh, when I was doing some research online about BRCA, I read that being BRCA1 positive (I'm BRCA2) can actually hinder the chances of conceiving. Interesting. Something about the gene and how it affects the eggs. Just in an interesting thing I found. I wonder if that will be part of a test for those undergoing fertility issues...

Day 90 - A decrease in Neulasta

Hydration is in order. I got my two liters of saline at the Mt. Hood OHSU Knight Cancer Center and my 4mg of Neulasta. All is right in the world. My fingers and toes started tingling while I was there. So the neuropathy is setting in. I am hoping that it isn't going to be forever and will reverse itself. Time will tell.

While I was there another woman was getting her first treatment of chemo. She had three different types of chemo. When I got there, she was already on her first one. Then I noticed she was getting adriamyacin and cytoxan. I feel bad for her. This is going to be a rough ride. She just lost her husband last year. Her mother passed away from breast cancer. Yikes! She was much older than I was though.

Friday was a good day. Just was tired when I got home. Took a nap. When I woke up, I was sore. My neck and upper body just felt like it was a 90 year old's body. I took two ibuprofen and went to bed hoping that would help.

Day 88 - I can't go out, I have to wash my hair

Tomorrow is the day that I go in for infusion #6. After that, I am 3/4 of the way through treatment. Hooray. Well... when I hit next Wednesday I will say that I am 3/4 of the way and I only have two more. I got a card from my Aunt Patti today... it really made me smile when she said that I will only have two more. I can remember when I was staring down the "barrel" and had eight! I can tell you that it has gone fast. I think that having kids and going to work nearly throughout the whole process has made everything go so much faster. I am so happy that May is next month and that will be the last of chemo-sucky.

As for the every day injections... I find out about them tomorrow. We'll see what my insurance covers and what the doctor says. I'll let you know when I find out more. I am not really worried about giving myself a shot every day. Honestly, it's the least of my worries and I have never really been afraid of needles after donating blood when I was 16. That needle was HUGE.

So I washed my "hair" the other day. Every 30 wears I should wash my wig. Well, I had been meaning to do so, but I kept forgetting. So I finally did it I think on Monday. I have special shampoo and leave in conditioner. Now I understand the excuse "I can't go out with you because I have to wash my hair" which I believe was a popular excuse in the 50s and 60s. The process you have to go through to wash the piece. Wasn't it in the 50s and 60s that ladies/girls had those "bump its" that they put in their hair to make their hair poofier in the back? After soaking the hair in the bowl, I had to rinse out the hair. After rinsing, I had to towel dry, do not wring. After that it was spray in the leave in conditioner and then dry overnight. After that I could comb/brush it. I did as instructed and I am pleased to say my hair is so shiny and soft now! I look marvelous!

Oh yes, tomorrow we also meet with the genetic counselor. I will get tested to see if I am a carrier of the cancer gene BRCA. If so it will help guide me with further treatment (surgery to take out my ovaries, test Amelia and Elaina, etc.). I will let you know more about the testing and what the outcomes could mean after we meet with them tomorrow afternoon.

I think that's about it. Until next time.

Oh yes, for dinner... prepared meal - Chicken Pot Pie. Wonderful!

And... here's a picture of me and Shellie at the last chemo-sucky treatment. Again, thanks for the visit Shellie!

Day 87 - The Fun Continues!

Fun times at Chemo High! LOL

I am at work and I look at my phone during my supervisor meeting and what do I see?? I missed two calls from my oncologist's office. Uh oh. I could figure out one of them... a reminder that I have an appointment on Thursday. (yea me! Not). The other one was what was puzzling me. Can anyone guess what the second call was about??? Ha, you'll never guess. Anyway, Dr. Luoh's nurse was calling because Dr. Luoh wants to change my post chemo medication - namely the neulasta shot. Yea, that's the $6k one. So what do they want to replace it with?? Neupogen. What's that you say?? I'll tell you in a moment.

Dr. L seems to think that the Neulasta was giving me the nausea. It's not necessarily a side effect, but he wants to give the Neupogen a try. When I went in for two Saturdays ago to the ER they checked my white blood count. Apparently it was through the roof. It was so high. I'm doing a great job by staying away from the sickies. But he seems to think that since my white blood count is so high, the Neulasta is doing too much. With the Neupogen, the medication will be given in smaller doses over the course of seven days. Yes, I did say seven days. That means that I have to stick myself every day with a needle. I have to give myself an injection. Like I mentioned... the fun continues. So it looks like it's going to be the battles of the Ns... which one will win? All I can say is that if I have the same reaction, I'm going back to one injection. I feel sorry for the people who are diabetic. Eh, it's all good though. The shot would go in in my tummy, arm or thigh... basically where ever - as Angie says - "pinch an inch." Right now the OHSU pharmacy is taking my medical prescription coverage to see how much it would cost me to get the Neupogen. If it's a small copay or not extremely high, then I'll be doing the shot each day. But I guess we'll discuss on Thursday.

Now I am sitting here on the couch watching "Tangled" for the upteenth time.

Day 82 - Chemo-sucky

So I guess you could say that yesterday was a very low low low point in my treatment. I will admit i was in tears. The chemo just got to me. I hate it. I will shout it - I hate chemotherapy. Maybe I should call it chemo-sucky because it is definitely NOT theraputic at all.

After this past weekend, I just don't ever want to go back. I don't like the feeling of taxol. First it made me so nauseous that it sent me to the hospital. Then it gave me so much aches and pain that it felt unbearable. And lastly I couldn't kick the feeling of just general icky-ness. So yesterday I just broke down and said I don't want anymore. I don't want to go through anymore of this chemo-sucky. I wanted to end it at 5 treatments. I figure I will still live. I did my research and some doctors say that after 5 treatments... it only lessens your chance of cancer/recurrence by 2-3%. But today I am feeling better. I am feeling - not a million bucks - but feeling better. Enough to understand that I need to do another treatment of taxol. I will take the treatments one at a time. Yesterday I suffered just from anxiety of knowing I have three more to go. But then I took a half an ativan and I felt so much better. I put it all behind me for the time being. This morning when I woke up I felt good.

So... here are the side effects of taxol that I have experienced. Nausea, vomiting, extreme aches and pains (feels like growing pains which are dull and achy and then toss in excrutiating sharp pains) and tingly feet. Then I get the side effects of the anti-nausea meds... constipation. Ugh! So I figure this is how I am going to tackle the next round of chemo-sucky. Since I didn't start to feel gross until Saturday late morning, when I wake up on Saturday the first thing I will do is pop a zofran in my mouth. That will last for 12 hours or so. Then maybe later in the morning depending on how I feel, I may take a compazine. After that I can pop an ativan. In any case, I am going to medicate the crap out of my body and make sure I don't get sick. I will also sip sip sip water or apple juice, or whatever I feel like drinking. I don't want to get nauseated and vomit. Then I don't want to get dehydrated. Like I posted in another post, it's a vicious cycle and I don't want to get caught up in it. In addition, I will ask Dr. L if I should get hydration on Friday. Maybe get hydration when I get my Neulasta shot. As for the pain... I am going to be popping ibuprofen pills... 600 mg if that's okay with Dr. L. I have a plan. I don't want to go back to what I was feeling before. That just sucked. I guess I let it get too far because I wanted to believe that I was going to be one of those people who wasn't going to get sick from the taxol. Hahahahaha!

As for the tingling... or neuropathy. That is something that I will have to deal with. It is something that is not that bad compared to everything else... but when compiled with all the other side effects... it just sucked. So today the aches and pains are gone and I am just dealing with a little bit of tingling. This I can deal with. Oh yes, here's another thing... I can't concentrate. I feel like a toddler with the attention span of 3 minutes. But that happened on Tuesday and Wednesday. Today I felt like an adult with a longer attention span of 5 (cuz I was at work and my attention is constantly being redirected).

But I am feeling good today. Thanks for your support.

Day 81

Chemotherapy sucks.

Day 75 - Round 5: New Chemo drug Taxol

Here I am... drip, drip, drip. I have about less than hour for my Taxol drip. Three hours is really long, but not as long for Brad. Sitting in that hard visitors chair... while I have a comfy cushy one that reclines. However, I would not like to have to sit in this chair at all.

*** *** ***

Updated, I am now home. I got into a nice conversation with the couple sitting next time in my last hour of the the drip, drip, drip. We started talking about laptops. They are in the market for one and asked how much I spent on mine and what I had. They said that someone told them to get a HP. Brad and I kind of laughed at that because Brad's brother and dad had an HP that crapped out on them. I told them that they can get a Dell like mine for 549.99. They were shocked. I told them that I have 4GB of memory and it does all the stuff I like. She does more word processing and I said that it might be best to upgrade to something like Microsoft Office. I don't have it on the computer... I have what's installed. In addition, they want to Skype. I told them that I have a built in camera and it does the trick. I even showed them the pictures that I took with it and they were surprised as to how clear it is. I think I've got them hooked on a Dell. After that we started to talk about Chemo and why were were there. She first had breast cancer about 20 years ago and has recurrences since then. Makes me nervous. But she's a very upbeat woman and she's living with it. She is also dealing with lymphedema. Her whole left arm was swollen. She said back in 1992 she had a mastectomy and they took out 17 lymph nodes! 17! But that was the standard operating procedure back then. So she doesn't have any nodes to push on or get the lymphatic system going. Eva is her name. I think her husband's name is Rick. In any case, I think that with me they are going to take out half a dozen. I think that's better odds if I get lymphodema it won't be as bad as hers. Her cancer I believe has spread to between the two breasts. It was a beautiful conversation. I liked them a lot.

So back to my treatment.

I got there at 8:45a. At 9, I had my blood drawn. Then it was wait until 9:30. I got to go back into a room shortly around 9:30. Wow! On time. I got several texts... but one of them I was desperately waiting for... a text from Shellie, as she was meeting us in the infusion room. I got that text and she went and picked up some food for us... Subway... cuz I was hungry for a meatball sub. Just as I was placing my order, the Nurse Practioner came in, Sandra. We first talked about side effects from the new medication because this is the first time I was taking the taxol. Side effects include muscle and joint pain, kind of like having the flu, my hair may grow back (wowsers, cool. I have heard about this), neuropathy (where I get tingling in my extremities... this can happen at any time, but she says it normally happens with the 4th dose), finger and toe nails will be discolored (that's happening already) and skin as well (happening already). She said that my nausea should go away and I won't have it. Next on my list was post medications... she said that if I do get nausea, I could take any of my anti-nausea meds as needed. So that's all I have to do. She did say that I will be taking the dexamethasone (steroid) the night before I have taxol treatment from here on out. Sweet! Then I would get my neulasta shot 24 hours after my treatment. Okay, this is doable. Sandra said most women ask why they do the AC first... they say the taxol should be first. I laughed and said that is so wrong, it should be exactly the way it is because then one can look forward to having a good back half of chemo. She agreed. I like her.

I got out of that appointment at 10:04. I had to wait about 15 minutes to get into the infusion room. So they were running behind. I got my favorite nurse, Nicole. I like her a lot. My first order... saline drip. Then the next thing I got... 20mg of dexamethasone, 8mg of Zofran and then a 15 minute drip of pepcid. After that I got a 50mg drip of Benadryl. Ugh. Right at the beginning, Shellie came to visit us baring gifts of food (thanks Shellie!). That was awesome since I was soooo hungry. We talked about work, treatment and kids. Shellie said I looked great for just going through AC and chemo in general. Brad got a picture of us (will post later). I also got a picture of me and Jon which is a guy who is awesome and works there too. I told him earlier that I had a surprise for him... which was Shellie. They talked for awhile. It was nice because there were several people who came up to her and remembered. :) Reminder it's been nearly 4 years since she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Our visit was short, but well worth it. By the time she left, I was getting dizzy and tired from the Benadryl. So I took a half hour nap while I had to wait for taxol. When I woke up, it was time for taxol. They started the drip... I waited up for about 15 minutes, felt no change and went back to sleep. I was tired from the benadryl. When I woke up, I had about an hour and a half left. I went pee and that's when I got a new chemo neighbor. (see above for that) Chemo was finally done shortly before 3p. I was so happy to get out of there. That was a long day. My neulasta shot is tomorrow at 4p. Sweet night.

Got home and mom had dinner cooking in the crockpot. It is so nice not having to worry about dinner. Chicken and artichokes. It was yummy. After dinner, we all did our job with getting the kids in the bath and ready for bed. Now it's quiet and I am able to update the blog.

Brad is now running out to auto repair shop, because my car was starting to shake and shimmy on the way to our appointment. After a call to Chris, they think it has something to do with fuel in my gas take. This stuff that Brad is getting is supposed to dry up the water in the tank. If it's not that, it could be the fuel injector. We shall see.

Tomorrow, I will be going to work. That's something Eva and I talked about. She said that work helps her move on with her life. I said that is the same thing I feel. I don't sit at home and wallow to the fact I am sick. We also discussed in brief about our mortality. It was nice to talk to another person about breast cancer and other stuff. They were very sensitive and knew exactly what to say.

I'll keep you posted with what sort of side effects I have this weekend. Pray and keep your fingers crossed that I won't have the nasties. Oh yes, I forgot, Sandra said that the benadryl medication... they can decrease that dosage if they find I am not having an allergic reaction. That would be good. Less time in the infusion room!

I'm tired now and want to go to bed. Till tomorrow...

and I'll post pictures when I get them uploaded.

Day 59 & 60

Good day on Monday. Worked, played with the kids and slept.

Good day today. Worked, napped, played with the kids, had a nice time with Grammy and Papa.

Funny... I had a nightmare last night about chemo. I dreamed I missed my chemo appointment. I looked at my watch and it was 7p. I had my appointment at 1p. I didn't even call the doctor to say that I wasn't going to be there. Instead I just plain ol' forgot. And since I forgot, that meant I had to wait another week to get my chemo. It put me a week behind. I was so mad.

Just busy the last few days that I haven't been able to post. But then again there's nothing new to report. Will get interesting on Thursday.

Day 57

The second Saturday following a chemo treatment is usually always a good day. Except for this Saturday. It was in no way shape or form related to chemo treatments. I woke up with a little bit of a sore throat and a headache. I felt like I was coming down with something. So after getting the kids up and their breakfast ready and done, I took a midmorning nap. When I woke up, the sore throat was gone, but my headache was still there. No matter how much I drank (water), the headache would not go away and it was one of those that hit the eyes. The whole day I just took naps. In and out of consciousness! LOL. Believe me, Brad was very frustrated. But I just couldn't keep my eyes open. Maybe it was a culmination from the week prior. In anycase, it was awful. But I mustered through it.

We made it to the birthday party. That was nice. It's nice to get out of the house and socialize with other people. People that you don't interact on a day to day basis, i.e. your co-workers. I just felt bad because Elaina spit up some noodle salad on Becky's carpet in the play room. Then she knocked over someone's soda pop in the living room and onto the carpet. Luckily we jumped into quick action and righted the can and sopped up most of the soda. Becky... hope the carpet isn't ruined! :-(

Other than that it was a fairly mundane day. We did manage to get groceries for the week. Now we wait for Grammy and Papa to come on Monday!

Oh yes, my frustrations from the previous post... lack of sleep.

Day 55 & 56

Didn't get a chance to post yesterday. Was way too busy.

Today, I am exhausted and some people don't understand. So I very frustrated. I am feeling better today, but I am still sick. I can't continue to go on limited hours of sleep. Why can't people understand that? How can I be functional when I've only had 5.75 hours of sleep in 40 hours. It's not feasible. Please understand that I need to sit down, rest and sleep. I work a full time job. I come home and immediately have to watch kids, do household chores, etc. Understand that I am human and I cannot be in 20 different places at one time. It's overwhelming right now. I am frustrated. I am tired. Leave me be and you do it.

Put yourself in my shoes. Getting chemo treatments every other week... being pumped full of nasty crap that kills the bad cells as well as kills good cells in your body. Understand that you have to work a full day after getting chemo and then come home and be a parent and a spouse. Understand that the very next day starts your bad days where you don't eat anything and can barely force down water to keep yourself hydrated. Then the next day is even worse. And the day after that it's bad. Then on the sixth day after chemo treatment you're trying to get your strength back from the previous three days. So you're busy trying to gain back the calories and what life you've got, while running after little kids. On the seventh day you're back at work full time... playing catch up with your team. You're constantly getting up out of your seat and walking over to them... answering questions that they know the answer to or should be using their knowledge based tools... but you're nice and helpful to them... when all you want to say is "Use that thing between your ears!" Then after being beat up there you come home to be beat up by two little kids running all over the house wanting you to play with them, but all you want to do is put up your feet, close your eyes and get away from it all. Then it's rinse and repeat. Yes, each day you slowly gain your strength back, but it's still hard to do it all.

Now I understand that I want people to treat me like normal. Many have offered to help. But when I say I need help... why don't people help? It's really frustrating. I may be making it bigger than it really is right now because I am tired... but I promised myself that I would keep this blog real and honest. And honestly, I am feeling pissed off and frustrated. I just don't understand why people can't understand that I cannot be in 22 different places at once. I couldn't do it when I didn't have cancer... why do they expect it now? Grrr frustrated. I guess I just need sleep. Tomorrow I will have a different view and perspective.

As for yesterday... it was work at 3:45-12.30. Then when I got home it was watch the kids... Brad went and played golf since the weather was beautiful. I told him to go... I thought it would be good for him to get out and get a little fresh air... because I know that all work and no fun makes for a grumpy person. Then it was feed the kids and get them to Becky's because Brad and I were meeting Tracey and Eugene for dinner. Dinner was good. I had a delicious meal of cream of mushroom soup and rabbit ravioli. After the great meal (thanks!) of just adults, it was off to get the kids at Becky's. By that time it was 9p. I didn't get to sleep until 9:45p. It was a busy day but so worthwhile for that tasty meal.

Today I was up at 3a and in at work at 3:45. Answered a lot questions asked by agents. Tried to be sweet about it. Pumped myself full of caffeine... coffee and Dr. Pepper. I was looking so forward to coming home and taking a nap. But when I arrived home, Brad had other plans. He found the source of our ant problem in the kitchen. His hypothesis: the ants were coming from behind the kitchen stove. So when the kids were put to bed for a nap at 1ish, Brad and I pulled out the stove. Low and behold we found something splashed on the back wall. We couldn't figure it out... but then Brad said he knew what it was. December 2010 Brad was making hot chocolate on the stove. Something happened... I believe the hot chocolate boiled over the pot. It spilled all over the stove top, behind and under it leaving a brown splash mark down the wall. Ants were crawling all over it. So we sprayed the ants, vacuumed, washed and sprayed again. The stove is now back in place and there are no ants.

Now I've got two kids running all over the place. And it's time to make dinner. What to have??? Take out? I did just get paid! hahahaha!

On the docket this weekend: sleep, a little grocery shopping, a birthday party and some work from home. Not too bad.

Day 52 - Monday After

Sitting here on the couch watching endless television. Still feeling really lousy. Feeling better than yesterday, but still waiting to get that good punch of "I feel great." I guess what I am waiting for is my tummy to say "feed me." Right now it's saying I'm hungry, but don't feed me that or that or that. So that means that I have to pick and choose my foods carefully. So far today I have had an english muffin. I had some chicken broth. I also had a little bit of mashed potatoes. I have thrown up. But that was earlier today. I think that I threw up twice. I don't really remember at this point. I did have a white castle burger at around 2a. I woke up hungry. But that came right back up. That wasn't a good move. :( Seemed like it at that time. I know that ginger ale gives me some reflux and my belly doesn't like it. I have managed to drink and keep apple juice down. Currently I am snacking on potato chips. Maybe my belly will like salt. Oh yes, I have eaten jello. It counts as liquid!

My day so far has consisted of working a little from home. I have my laptop from work, and I can monitor my team from my bed. It was nice to do that. I also jumped in the shower and got all nice and clean. It had been awhile. I checked my breast and it looked weird. But a good weird. On my left nipple, the right side of the nipple is finally all out. It's not inverted at all! On the left side, it continues to come out. I know that the skin near the nipple there is not as taut. That means the tumor is shrinking. Next week I will know for sure. That's when I go in for my u/s. I am nervous but excited. I know it can only be good news. I only wish that they would say, Okay, Holly. We don't need to do any more chemo. We'll go straight to the next type of chemo. Yea, right. I want to get this part gone.

Today, all I can say is that I only have hours until tomorrow when I will start feeling more and more like myself. Thank you for all the well wishes!

Day 48

Now don't freak out... I am okay. Hee hee, now I have you worried! Tomorrow is round 3 of chemo and I am a bit apprehensive about it. I am okay with having it. It means I am just that much closer to the end, but I don't really want to do it because I hate the side effects. I really don't want to feel gross and what not for two to three days. I know it's only 72 hours where I am really not feeling well, but those 72 hours can feel like 72 days. I just dread the side effects. But I know that I can muster through it all. Just give me some encouragement.

Now I have no idea what's going on with my hair. Some of it is growing back, some of it is gone. Gee, if I had left it all on my head, I would have clumps of it still on my head. Just very interesting how the chemo works.

Other than that, just working working working. I am glad I have something to focus on besides this crap. Well, I am tired, so signing off. Will bring the laptop to chemo and maybe take another picture!

Day 47 - A Nightmare!

Oh boy... I had my first chemo nightmare last night. My dream, I was administering my own chemotherapy! Yikes. I was standing in front of the hall mirror with the syringe full of arithomycin and injecting it in my port. Wow! I couldn't believe it. That's super crazy. I guess I'm thinking a lot about my next treatment, huh?

My neighbor, John, and his girlfriend, Christina, came over tonight and delivered a basket full of oranges. Apparently he got 80 pounds or so of oranges. So now we have about 10 pounds of them. Yum, fresh OJ in the morning!

Then my former employer... employees from KATU... all chipped in and got the family dinners! We got about 5 prepared dinners to defrost, heat and serve. And these dinners are good for two family meals! I can't wait to try some of them... beef stroganoff, catfish, chicken pot pie, risotto and mac n cheese. All come with a side! I'd like to say thank you to the following people who made it happen... personal thank yous to come: Evon, Shellie, Tracey, Liz, Erin, Phil, Carl, Super Sean, Rhonda, Amy, Sue, Steve, Mark, Lynne, Jon-Michael, Helen, Diane, Rob, Eric, Ana, Carolyn, Fousie & Blue, Eric, Craig, Tom & Elisa, Monty, Bob, and Debbie. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Doing fine other than my nightmare... the house is still standing, the kids are alive and kicking, husband is doing well... Until tomorrow...

Day 46 - T-minus 3 days...

Yes, it's another three more days until Round 3 of chemo. It's something I am not looking forward to... but yet I am looking forward to. It's a catch 22. I don't want it to come because I am not looking forward to Sunday, but yet I am looking forward to it because it's Round 3 and I am that much closer to being done with this horrible stuff. Yucko! I figure that I will be 3/8th of the way through chemo when I resurface on the other side of the yucky side effects... so that means I'll be saying I am that much closer to the end when Wednesday next comes around.

So I called the insurance company today. I found out that my copays to the doctors do not count towards the total out of pocket expense. That's a shame because every single time I go to chemo I have to see my oncologist. So that means that I have to pay Dr. Luoh $400 in copays when all is said and done. Fun stuff... but that's okay. If it means I am getting better and eradicating those dumb cancer cells, I am down with it. I am just glad I have health insurance. I am also getting closer to the maximum out of pocket max of $5500. I am at $2153.00, so just under halfway there. Got my visa card bill too today... that was, well, high. But I was expecting it.

That's about it. Good day again. Just dreading Sunday. :(