Day 55 & 56

Didn't get a chance to post yesterday. Was way too busy.

Today, I am exhausted and some people don't understand. So I very frustrated. I am feeling better today, but I am still sick. I can't continue to go on limited hours of sleep. Why can't people understand that? How can I be functional when I've only had 5.75 hours of sleep in 40 hours. It's not feasible. Please understand that I need to sit down, rest and sleep. I work a full time job. I come home and immediately have to watch kids, do household chores, etc. Understand that I am human and I cannot be in 20 different places at one time. It's overwhelming right now. I am frustrated. I am tired. Leave me be and you do it.

Put yourself in my shoes. Getting chemo treatments every other week... being pumped full of nasty crap that kills the bad cells as well as kills good cells in your body. Understand that you have to work a full day after getting chemo and then come home and be a parent and a spouse. Understand that the very next day starts your bad days where you don't eat anything and can barely force down water to keep yourself hydrated. Then the next day is even worse. And the day after that it's bad. Then on the sixth day after chemo treatment you're trying to get your strength back from the previous three days. So you're busy trying to gain back the calories and what life you've got, while running after little kids. On the seventh day you're back at work full time... playing catch up with your team. You're constantly getting up out of your seat and walking over to them... answering questions that they know the answer to or should be using their knowledge based tools... but you're nice and helpful to them... when all you want to say is "Use that thing between your ears!" Then after being beat up there you come home to be beat up by two little kids running all over the house wanting you to play with them, but all you want to do is put up your feet, close your eyes and get away from it all. Then it's rinse and repeat. Yes, each day you slowly gain your strength back, but it's still hard to do it all.

Now I understand that I want people to treat me like normal. Many have offered to help. But when I say I need help... why don't people help? It's really frustrating. I may be making it bigger than it really is right now because I am tired... but I promised myself that I would keep this blog real and honest. And honestly, I am feeling pissed off and frustrated. I just don't understand why people can't understand that I cannot be in 22 different places at once. I couldn't do it when I didn't have cancer... why do they expect it now? Grrr frustrated. I guess I just need sleep. Tomorrow I will have a different view and perspective.

As for yesterday... it was work at 3:45-12.30. Then when I got home it was watch the kids... Brad went and played golf since the weather was beautiful. I told him to go... I thought it would be good for him to get out and get a little fresh air... because I know that all work and no fun makes for a grumpy person. Then it was feed the kids and get them to Becky's because Brad and I were meeting Tracey and Eugene for dinner. Dinner was good. I had a delicious meal of cream of mushroom soup and rabbit ravioli. After the great meal (thanks!) of just adults, it was off to get the kids at Becky's. By that time it was 9p. I didn't get to sleep until 9:45p. It was a busy day but so worthwhile for that tasty meal.

Today I was up at 3a and in at work at 3:45. Answered a lot questions asked by agents. Tried to be sweet about it. Pumped myself full of caffeine... coffee and Dr. Pepper. I was looking so forward to coming home and taking a nap. But when I arrived home, Brad had other plans. He found the source of our ant problem in the kitchen. His hypothesis: the ants were coming from behind the kitchen stove. So when the kids were put to bed for a nap at 1ish, Brad and I pulled out the stove. Low and behold we found something splashed on the back wall. We couldn't figure it out... but then Brad said he knew what it was. December 2010 Brad was making hot chocolate on the stove. Something happened... I believe the hot chocolate boiled over the pot. It spilled all over the stove top, behind and under it leaving a brown splash mark down the wall. Ants were crawling all over it. So we sprayed the ants, vacuumed, washed and sprayed again. The stove is now back in place and there are no ants.

Now I've got two kids running all over the place. And it's time to make dinner. What to have??? Take out? I did just get paid! hahahaha!

On the docket this weekend: sleep, a little grocery shopping, a birthday party and some work from home. Not too bad.