Today has been a decent day so far. I woke up to two kids coming into my bedroom to say good bye to me as they were being herded off to daycare. I wanted to sleep some more. But that's all good. I like that my kids are excited to see me and want to give me kisses and hugs. However, I am sore. It's amazing that 25 cc's of saline in the tissue expanders has made my chest miserable. It's the skin that hurts the most. it's not necessarily the pectoral muscle that hurts. It almost feels like a burning sensation on my chest. But it's doable. I swallowed a few ibuprofen to help with the pain and it's doing good. I found that if I lay on my side, it doesn't hurt as much. But if I lay on my back, then it does hurt. And if I sit up or stand it barely hurts at all. It's like a dull ache. Looking in the mirror, I can tell that I am bigger. I make a much bigger curve in my shirts! :)
This morning as I was standing around the kitchen waiting for my coffee to be done percolating, I was wondering about survivorship. When does one call themselves a breast cancer survivor? I ask this because I received a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful and thoughtful gift in the mail from three of my real good friends. It's a handmade necklace with the word "survivor" handstamped in metal. Along with it a metal ribbon and a pink jewel. Made me cry. It was a wonderful tribute to me beating this awful disease. Now that all the cancer is out, I can celebrate... But am I truly a survivor? I still have radiation to go through, an oophorectomy and reconstruction. Is there a criteria where you can "stamp" yourself as a survivor? I did a google search (yes, it all comes down to google). I searched the phrase "When do you call yourself a breast cancer survivor?" There were a myriad of answers. Each is personal. Some say the moment you are diagnosed and you plan your course of action, to when the cancer is all out of your body, to after all the treatment is done, to never because there is no steadfast cure. Personally, I am not sure. In my humble opinion, I would not call myself a survivor the moment I figure out what treatment plan I am going to take and I know that I would never not call myself a survivor since there is still no permanent cure. That leaves me to calling myself a survivor somewhere in between. Yes, I am cancer free now. I could call myself a survivor. However, it doesn't quite feel right. I could call myself a survivor at the five year mark, but that doesn't feel right either. One person wrote on her blog that she just knew when she could call herself a survivor. There wasn't a characteristic that marked it. She just "knew." As of right now, that marker still hasn't come. Perhaps it will be when radiation is complete. Perhaps it will be once reconstruction is done. I know that radiation and the oophorectomy is a preventative treatment plan, but I still don't feel like a true survivor. Maybe that "light" will click on when I'm going through radiation. We shall see. As of right now, I feel like I am on my way to "survivorship" status. I'm not quite there. But I will let you know when I feel as if I am truly a breast cancer survivor. I'd love it if you would respond and tell me what your idea of "survivor" means. If you were in my shoes, when would you declare yourself as a survivor?
As for my AWS or cording. I have a physical therapy appointment on July 9. I have one on July 5th too with the therapist Dr. Naik recommended. However, they are out of network and my insurance will cover only 60% once I reach the out of pocket deductible of $1200! Ouch. So then I called my physical therapist I had been working with in January when the doctor thought it was a blocked milk duct. She had called me and told me that there are many therapists she works with that deal with lymphedema and such. Plus, her group is "in network" so everything will be paid for. :) So Tasha got me an appointment with a PT named Jess. So I will go in and work with her to get this cording issue dealt with. I need my arm to be flexible for radiation. They will need my arm to be up. So I need this taken care of asap. I am also continuing with my arm stretches. I am trying to get more flexibility in my shoulder as well as the arm... up to a certain point.
Boo hoo, this is my last day of my vacation. I am going back to work next week. Monday. But I work 2 days, have a day off and then work 2 more days before having 2 days off again. So it will be nice to ease into work. Fantastic.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Day 166 - Tissue Expanders (and pictures)
Today I had a follow up appointment with the reconstructive team. The appointment was for the removal of the last drain, but since I had that taken out on Monday, it became my first Fill appointment! I decided to keep the appointment just in case and to have the doctor or whoever it was look at my incisions and stuff. Lucky me, I got Jason again. Jason said that my wounds look good and everything is healing nicely. I did have some questions for him.
1. There's a place on my chest wall (near the cleavage area) where on the right side it feels awful, dull ache or pain... is it normal? He says that it's normal. It can be from the tissue expander and that with a fill, it can get better or it can get worse. However, there is a drug that can help with that soreness. It's called, Gabapentin, and what it does is blocks the nerve receptors by blocking the sodium. This drug is something that I would take on a regular basis three times a day for several weeks.
2. Are there any specific excercises I should be doing with the shoulder and arm because I am dealing with cording or Axillary Web Syndrome (AWS)? He says that I should be walking my fingers up the wall. When it starts to hurt, I need to back down and then stretch the arm/shoulder that way. Then the next time, I can go a little further. It should not hurt when stretching.
3. Chest wall tightness, how long will it be that way? He says it is normal for the chest wall to be tight for several months. He says that the swollen chest area can last for several weeks and it will take time to heal. For the next 6 weeks I shouldn't be doing any heavy lifting. He says that after 6 weeks, my incisions are only 70% healed and strong enough. That's amazing!
4. Shower facing front? He says that now that I am two weeks past surgery, I can face front and let the water hit my chest. Before, I showered with the nozzle pointed at my back. It's a little hard to wash off the soap that way. :-)
5. Muscle spasms - He says that I could have muscle spasms. They can bet treated with valium or ativan. Interesting... ativan. I had a big one last night as I was walking into a store. I thought there was a bug crawling on me or in me. It freaked the heck out of me!
Then it was time to get my first of several fills. So my tissue expanders are 350cc's. They expand them even bigger than that... about 20% bigger after I say "Done." When I was reading my pathology report, I did see that the weight of my breast tissue they took out was about 220g or so. But breast tissue goes under the arm and up the chest. So who knows how much breast tissue would have made the "cup" size. Basically, it looks like my tissue expanders will be going to about 420cc's when all is said and done. I am just going for a full C cup. That's all I really want. I liked my B, but it didn't fit some of the clothes I had. So my first fill was 25cc's. Jason used the medical "stud finder" which has a strong magnet on it to find the port. He searched for it on the vertical and horizontal access. I told him where it will most likely be because I can feel the port area through my skin. I was right on the mark too! Then when he found it, he was going to disinfect the area with betadine... um, no! That's a derivative of iodine. He laughed and said, "That's right. I saw you were allergic to it." Then he used alcohol. Next he took a long needle (like the needle for an epidural) and poked me. I didn't feel the poke, but the poke was uncomfortable because it was going right into the tissue expander (TE). Then he retracted some fluid - it came out blue. Dr. Thaker likes to put a dye in the expander so when they expand, they know they've hit their mark. Then he started the fill very slowly... one cc at a time. Finally he was done. I could feel the TE getting ever so much bigger. My breast does feel a bit heavier. Then it was time for the left side. Again, I hit my mark with where the port was. He also looked at my little blister on my chest. He said it's healing nicely, but wants it to be a little more healed before they start injecting 100cc's into the TE. That's fine by me! So while he was injecting the saline in the left breast, I could feel my skin expanding a bit. So far, my boobies feel good. But we'll see what tomorrow brings. Jason says that tomorrow I could be feeling sore. But today I feel great. No pain, no gain right?
And as I promised, here are a few pictures:
So, there you have it. My mom left on her flight today back to Arizona, so it's nice to have a quiet house. I can relax and take a nap! :)
Until next time... oh yes, my next appointment for an expand is next Thursday!
1. There's a place on my chest wall (near the cleavage area) where on the right side it feels awful, dull ache or pain... is it normal? He says that it's normal. It can be from the tissue expander and that with a fill, it can get better or it can get worse. However, there is a drug that can help with that soreness. It's called, Gabapentin, and what it does is blocks the nerve receptors by blocking the sodium. This drug is something that I would take on a regular basis three times a day for several weeks.
2. Are there any specific excercises I should be doing with the shoulder and arm because I am dealing with cording or Axillary Web Syndrome (AWS)? He says that I should be walking my fingers up the wall. When it starts to hurt, I need to back down and then stretch the arm/shoulder that way. Then the next time, I can go a little further. It should not hurt when stretching.
3. Chest wall tightness, how long will it be that way? He says it is normal for the chest wall to be tight for several months. He says that the swollen chest area can last for several weeks and it will take time to heal. For the next 6 weeks I shouldn't be doing any heavy lifting. He says that after 6 weeks, my incisions are only 70% healed and strong enough. That's amazing!
4. Shower facing front? He says that now that I am two weeks past surgery, I can face front and let the water hit my chest. Before, I showered with the nozzle pointed at my back. It's a little hard to wash off the soap that way. :-)
5. Muscle spasms - He says that I could have muscle spasms. They can bet treated with valium or ativan. Interesting... ativan. I had a big one last night as I was walking into a store. I thought there was a bug crawling on me or in me. It freaked the heck out of me!
Then it was time to get my first of several fills. So my tissue expanders are 350cc's. They expand them even bigger than that... about 20% bigger after I say "Done." When I was reading my pathology report, I did see that the weight of my breast tissue they took out was about 220g or so. But breast tissue goes under the arm and up the chest. So who knows how much breast tissue would have made the "cup" size. Basically, it looks like my tissue expanders will be going to about 420cc's when all is said and done. I am just going for a full C cup. That's all I really want. I liked my B, but it didn't fit some of the clothes I had. So my first fill was 25cc's. Jason used the medical "stud finder" which has a strong magnet on it to find the port. He searched for it on the vertical and horizontal access. I told him where it will most likely be because I can feel the port area through my skin. I was right on the mark too! Then when he found it, he was going to disinfect the area with betadine... um, no! That's a derivative of iodine. He laughed and said, "That's right. I saw you were allergic to it." Then he used alcohol. Next he took a long needle (like the needle for an epidural) and poked me. I didn't feel the poke, but the poke was uncomfortable because it was going right into the tissue expander (TE). Then he retracted some fluid - it came out blue. Dr. Thaker likes to put a dye in the expander so when they expand, they know they've hit their mark. Then he started the fill very slowly... one cc at a time. Finally he was done. I could feel the TE getting ever so much bigger. My breast does feel a bit heavier. Then it was time for the left side. Again, I hit my mark with where the port was. He also looked at my little blister on my chest. He said it's healing nicely, but wants it to be a little more healed before they start injecting 100cc's into the TE. That's fine by me! So while he was injecting the saline in the left breast, I could feel my skin expanding a bit. So far, my boobies feel good. But we'll see what tomorrow brings. Jason says that tomorrow I could be feeling sore. But today I feel great. No pain, no gain right?
And as I promised, here are a few pictures:
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| Getting ready for surgery (I had my boobies!) |
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| Post mastectomy (the very next day). You can see the drains attached to the side of my gown. |
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| Here's my pain ball, which became a pain in the neck. |
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| These are the little "soaker hose" tubes that were wrapped in my breast cavity. About 12" was inside of me and if you looked closely, you could see the little holes! |
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| This is what the tissue expander looks like. The round port is metal. That's where the saline is injected. This demo one is 750cc's. |
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| Here's a silicone implant. They now have "gummi" implants which are now being used in Europe. |
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| Here's the medical "Stud Finder". Magnet is on the right. |
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| Here's how much hair I have... I actually have more. This picture was taken just a few days ago, if you can believe it. |
Until next time... oh yes, my next appointment for an expand is next Thursday!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Day 165 - Still healing from mastectomy
It's nearly 2 weeks since the double mastectomy and I am still healing. Sometimes I wish I could self heal in the matter of moments... but alas I am not Wolverine or an angel! Ha! But I am getting better.
Monday I went back to the doctor... or tried. The PA was not in on Monday... it was his day off, so I had to see Christine, the nurse navigator who said she'd pull my drain if they weren't available. So at 1p, I went to see her! While I waited, I saw Brooke and she and I chatted for about 15 minutes. So nice to see her. She's awesome. I thanked her for getting Dr. Naik involved in getting me a private room. She thought I looked great. We were chatting so long that they paged her because they were looking for me! Ha! Then I went and saw Christine. I had emailed the team about my lymph node in my neck, wondering if it was clear of cancer and how they would figure that out. Christine told me that Dr. Naik isn't concerned about that node and believes it's cancer free. But she said that she would put in an order to get a new PET scan done so I can confirm it just for peace of mind. I said thank you and would like that done. Then she took out my drain and helped me get into a T-shirt. It was nice wearing a shirt that didn't have a holder for a drain. It feels so good to walk around without a drain, too! :)
Yesterday, my mom and I had a mother-daughter day. It was so nice. We went and had a manicure/pedicure. Then went and had lunch followed by shopping! My mom got the mani and I got the deluxe pedi. We went shopping and I got a few tank tops that has the built in bra, a t-shirt, skirt and a v-neck dress. All the clothes fit perfect. And the tank tops... I have nice little boobies! Brad says he thinks I came out with the same size boobs as I went in. And the dress... it's a v-neck and you can't see any scar. I want to go and get some more of those tank tops. I like them a lot... they are so soft. And the skirt is very cute too. Oh yes, and I showered on my own. No more drains!
Today just hanging out with mom and the girls. The weather is nice, so they will be going outside to play in a few and I plan on working from home. I've got an appointment for the Physical Therapist who will help me with the cording issue. It's an out of network, so we'll see what happens and how much I will have to pay. If it's too much, then I may go back to Providence Portland's PT and work with them. I have a relationship with them and my former PT says she has counter parts who work with patients with lymphedema and such. So I may give them a call. Other than that... not much else to report. My hair is growing. Mom keeps commenting on it every day. It's now starting to cover the scars on my head. I know that I had to pluck my eyebrows on Sunday! I haven't done that in a long time! Goes to show that my hair is definitely growing in.
Until next time... (oh yes, I promise to post pictures...)
Monday I went back to the doctor... or tried. The PA was not in on Monday... it was his day off, so I had to see Christine, the nurse navigator who said she'd pull my drain if they weren't available. So at 1p, I went to see her! While I waited, I saw Brooke and she and I chatted for about 15 minutes. So nice to see her. She's awesome. I thanked her for getting Dr. Naik involved in getting me a private room. She thought I looked great. We were chatting so long that they paged her because they were looking for me! Ha! Then I went and saw Christine. I had emailed the team about my lymph node in my neck, wondering if it was clear of cancer and how they would figure that out. Christine told me that Dr. Naik isn't concerned about that node and believes it's cancer free. But she said that she would put in an order to get a new PET scan done so I can confirm it just for peace of mind. I said thank you and would like that done. Then she took out my drain and helped me get into a T-shirt. It was nice wearing a shirt that didn't have a holder for a drain. It feels so good to walk around without a drain, too! :)
Yesterday, my mom and I had a mother-daughter day. It was so nice. We went and had a manicure/pedicure. Then went and had lunch followed by shopping! My mom got the mani and I got the deluxe pedi. We went shopping and I got a few tank tops that has the built in bra, a t-shirt, skirt and a v-neck dress. All the clothes fit perfect. And the tank tops... I have nice little boobies! Brad says he thinks I came out with the same size boobs as I went in. And the dress... it's a v-neck and you can't see any scar. I want to go and get some more of those tank tops. I like them a lot... they are so soft. And the skirt is very cute too. Oh yes, and I showered on my own. No more drains!
Today just hanging out with mom and the girls. The weather is nice, so they will be going outside to play in a few and I plan on working from home. I've got an appointment for the Physical Therapist who will help me with the cording issue. It's an out of network, so we'll see what happens and how much I will have to pay. If it's too much, then I may go back to Providence Portland's PT and work with them. I have a relationship with them and my former PT says she has counter parts who work with patients with lymphedema and such. So I may give them a call. Other than that... not much else to report. My hair is growing. Mom keeps commenting on it every day. It's now starting to cover the scars on my head. I know that I had to pluck my eyebrows on Sunday! I haven't done that in a long time! Goes to show that my hair is definitely growing in.
Until next time... (oh yes, I promise to post pictures...)
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Day 162 - Still swollen
Not much new to report here. Just still swollen and it hurts in certain places... mainly under my arms. My left drain is now draining under the 30mL for more than 48 hours. So tomorrow morning, I am going to go and get the last one removed. Then I think I'll be able to feel better about the whole procedure and really start the healing process. :)
Until next time....
Until next time....
Friday, June 22, 2012
Day 160 - A mastectomy is draining
Not much to report today except that I only have one drain in my body! This morning I emptied my drain on the right side and it was 48 hours of having 30 mL or less of fluid coming out. So I called the reconstructive surgeon's office and told them I wanted to get the drain taken out. I went in at 1p with mom. She got to see the tube being taken out, what the tissue expander looks like (I have a picture) and the silicone one that I will have placed inside me. Hopefully on Monday I will be going in to get the last drain taken out of me. It feels so nice to have the one out on the right side. I can now lean on my right side and maybe even sleep on my right side tonight. That will help with the kink in my neck.
I also finished the Fallen series by Lauren Kate. That's a fun series. I enjoyed it.
So, let me finish with my stay in the hospital. I believe I was on Monday, June 18.
I woke up early that morning to the junior doctors doing their rounds. The first batch came in at 6a. That was the reconstructive doctors. They said that I was healing well. They also took a look at my pain ball. They said that it was low, but I still had some left. They could fill it if I needed it. Then they left and I was left to fall back asleep... which I did quickly. Then at 7 the next round of junior doctors came in. This time it was the surgeons. The doctor who wanted to discharge me the day before was there. He said that he saw that I was having nausea issues and that's why I never left. Then his little doctor wanted to look at my wounds. Then she wanted to look at the other side, but instead of walking around the bed, she tried to lean over me and look. I told her to please go around. But then the other doctor said that it was okay, she didn't have to look because plastics had already been through. She said okay and then left with the other doctor. By that time I was already awake, so I asked Brad to order me some breakfast. I knew by the time it came, it would be 8. Breakfast came around 8... french toast and hashbrowns. It was good. And surprise... Cathy was my day nurse again! It was a surprise. She said she normally doesn't work three days in a row. But we were happy that she was my nurse again because she rocked. She got my discharge papers all ready to go. She got my prescriptions and gave them to Brad to fill at the pharmacy at OHSU. Meantime, I got a visit from Newman. It was nice to see him. He's been with us on this OHSU trip since practically the beginning. It was the only visitor other than Bill who I allowed to come into my room. He had me laughing so hard... and I told him to stop because it hurt so much. I couldn't breathe too deeply. Then they left to go drop off my prescriptions. Brad hung around the hospital room for awhile before he left to go get some breakfast. He wanted to make sure he was here if Dr. Naik came to the room. He came back and she still hadn't come.
In the meantime, we talked to Cathy because we wanted to get my pain ball refilled. Oh my gosh! What a pain! First they said they weren't going to fill it. Then Cathy couldn't find a doctor to get a prescription to get it filled. Turns out there was some sort of conference going on. So then she went and paged the head of plastics to get this taken care of. Then the pharmacist came into the room and said the same thing... but they were mixing my pain ball prescription so I could leave. They wouldn't be able to give me the ball until the prescription was done and signed, but they could at least get it ready. Then the pharmacist left. Cathy came in and told me what was going on. Then a little later, the pharmacist came in and said that they were supposed to fill my pain ball up on Saturday, but they never did. So push come to shove, I got my pain ball prescription. In the meantime, the physical therapist came in and gave me some exercises to do while I recover. Wonderful. She made me practice some and she also made me practice getting out of bed and walking around the room. She was impressed with my mobility. Somewhere in that time I ordered lunch. Cathy also came in and said that she was waiting for the pain ball stuff, but in the meantime she was going to lunch. If it came in, she said she told her fellow nurse that a doctor had to be paged to exchange the ball. We told her we wouldn't leave the hospital until she came back from lunch. She wanted to say good bye to us and same for us. Finally the pain ball came in and we told the fill in nurse that she was supposed to call the doctor to give it me. She said that she changes them all the time. Whatever. She left with my prescription and about 10 minutes later, Cathy was back with it. She ended up hooking me up to it. We got it working and it was working good because I could feel the medication numbing up my chest area. I wonder how long I had been without it. Hmmm...
Oh yes, Brad decided to take some of our stuff to the car. It was at that time, Dr. Naik appeared. She was doing some rounds. I had to call Brad because he had questions for her. She stopped in for just a few minutes and then left.
Finally... shortly after 1, Cathy wheeled me out of the hospital and I was on my way home. I got home and both girls were napping. It was nice that I came home to a quiet house. I went upstairs and laid in bed reading. Amelia was the first on who woke up. Brad brought her into my room and I just started crying. I was so happy to see her. It had been three full days where I didn't see or talk to her and it was great to see her... know why I am going through this hell. Elaina came in later and I got to kiss her. Sweet thing. Dinner was good... left overs. I didn't have a huge appetite, but it was nice just to be home. I didn't spend too much time downstairs, but I spent enough time to see my family.
At around 730 that night, I got a call from Cathy. She was leaving for the night and thought that she forgot to unclasp the clasp on the tubing to make the medication go. I told her that she did do her job and that the pain medication was flowing so nicely now. Crazy, huh? So that's how my stay ended up!
I also finished the Fallen series by Lauren Kate. That's a fun series. I enjoyed it.
So, let me finish with my stay in the hospital. I believe I was on Monday, June 18.
I woke up early that morning to the junior doctors doing their rounds. The first batch came in at 6a. That was the reconstructive doctors. They said that I was healing well. They also took a look at my pain ball. They said that it was low, but I still had some left. They could fill it if I needed it. Then they left and I was left to fall back asleep... which I did quickly. Then at 7 the next round of junior doctors came in. This time it was the surgeons. The doctor who wanted to discharge me the day before was there. He said that he saw that I was having nausea issues and that's why I never left. Then his little doctor wanted to look at my wounds. Then she wanted to look at the other side, but instead of walking around the bed, she tried to lean over me and look. I told her to please go around. But then the other doctor said that it was okay, she didn't have to look because plastics had already been through. She said okay and then left with the other doctor. By that time I was already awake, so I asked Brad to order me some breakfast. I knew by the time it came, it would be 8. Breakfast came around 8... french toast and hashbrowns. It was good. And surprise... Cathy was my day nurse again! It was a surprise. She said she normally doesn't work three days in a row. But we were happy that she was my nurse again because she rocked. She got my discharge papers all ready to go. She got my prescriptions and gave them to Brad to fill at the pharmacy at OHSU. Meantime, I got a visit from Newman. It was nice to see him. He's been with us on this OHSU trip since practically the beginning. It was the only visitor other than Bill who I allowed to come into my room. He had me laughing so hard... and I told him to stop because it hurt so much. I couldn't breathe too deeply. Then they left to go drop off my prescriptions. Brad hung around the hospital room for awhile before he left to go get some breakfast. He wanted to make sure he was here if Dr. Naik came to the room. He came back and she still hadn't come.
In the meantime, we talked to Cathy because we wanted to get my pain ball refilled. Oh my gosh! What a pain! First they said they weren't going to fill it. Then Cathy couldn't find a doctor to get a prescription to get it filled. Turns out there was some sort of conference going on. So then she went and paged the head of plastics to get this taken care of. Then the pharmacist came into the room and said the same thing... but they were mixing my pain ball prescription so I could leave. They wouldn't be able to give me the ball until the prescription was done and signed, but they could at least get it ready. Then the pharmacist left. Cathy came in and told me what was going on. Then a little later, the pharmacist came in and said that they were supposed to fill my pain ball up on Saturday, but they never did. So push come to shove, I got my pain ball prescription. In the meantime, the physical therapist came in and gave me some exercises to do while I recover. Wonderful. She made me practice some and she also made me practice getting out of bed and walking around the room. She was impressed with my mobility. Somewhere in that time I ordered lunch. Cathy also came in and said that she was waiting for the pain ball stuff, but in the meantime she was going to lunch. If it came in, she said she told her fellow nurse that a doctor had to be paged to exchange the ball. We told her we wouldn't leave the hospital until she came back from lunch. She wanted to say good bye to us and same for us. Finally the pain ball came in and we told the fill in nurse that she was supposed to call the doctor to give it me. She said that she changes them all the time. Whatever. She left with my prescription and about 10 minutes later, Cathy was back with it. She ended up hooking me up to it. We got it working and it was working good because I could feel the medication numbing up my chest area. I wonder how long I had been without it. Hmmm...
Oh yes, Brad decided to take some of our stuff to the car. It was at that time, Dr. Naik appeared. She was doing some rounds. I had to call Brad because he had questions for her. She stopped in for just a few minutes and then left.
Finally... shortly after 1, Cathy wheeled me out of the hospital and I was on my way home. I got home and both girls were napping. It was nice that I came home to a quiet house. I went upstairs and laid in bed reading. Amelia was the first on who woke up. Brad brought her into my room and I just started crying. I was so happy to see her. It had been three full days where I didn't see or talk to her and it was great to see her... know why I am going through this hell. Elaina came in later and I got to kiss her. Sweet thing. Dinner was good... left overs. I didn't have a huge appetite, but it was nice just to be home. I didn't spend too much time downstairs, but I spent enough time to see my family.
At around 730 that night, I got a call from Cathy. She was leaving for the night and thought that she forgot to unclasp the clasp on the tubing to make the medication go. I told her that she did do her job and that the pain medication was flowing so nicely now. Crazy, huh? So that's how my stay ended up!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Day 159 - Music to my ears!
Just got back from my two doctors appointments. They were good appointments. Disappointed at one, but elated at another.
First one was with the reconstructive surgeon... well actually the PA, Jason Carr. He looked at my incisions and said they were looking really good. Then he looked at my paper sheet where I recorded how much fluid came out of each drain. He said that one of the three drains could come out today. I was a little disappointed to hear that, but happy to hear that at least one drain got to come out of my body. It didn't hurt at all. I asked if the other drain would hurt when it's being taken out because it was bigger. He said no, the little one usually hurts the most because the tubing on the exterior is smaller than the tubing on the interior. Hmmm... That's good. He said that if I can keep the drainage down to 30mL per day for 48 hours, then I could have the other drains taken out. So I am expecting to have these drains in throughout the weekend. Heh, that's not that long in the grand scheme of things. Dr. Thaker came in while I was there. She said that I was looking good and healing really well. The blister on my chest is also looking good. She gave me the thumbs up and said that maybe in two weeks we can start on the saline fills. Hooray. I disposed of that awful pain ball. And an appointment was set for next Thursday to get the drains removed. However, they said that if I need them removed earlier than I could just call. Fantastic. :)
Next we moved on to Dr. Naik's appointment. We checked in and then I went to the infusion room because I just wanted to say hello to everyone there. They said that I looked fantastic and that I looked all summery. Well, it is 70 something degrees outside! They were happy to see me. I gave them a full report of how my surgery went and one of the nurses asked how I liked test driving my new boobs! I love it. I think I made a memorable impact on them.
Dr. Naik was running late, or at least the MA who was leading all the patients in... that would be Maureen, one of my favorites. We chatted a bit and she asked how I was doing. She said that I looked very good. We finally got into the room and got all situated. Then Dr. Naik came in. I zipped my cami down and she said that I was looking really good. Then she said that she didn't have the final pathology report back, but she did have the preliminary report. She said that she took out 16 lymph nodes. Of those 16, 15 came back clear, cancer free. One lymph node did come back positive, however, there were scant cancer cells in that node. As for the breast, the margins were clear, meaning that they got all the cancer out. It was music to my ears. So here's my thought... while I don't know if they got all the cancer out of my lymph node in the clavical area, I am HIGHLY certain there's no cancer there. The reason, the lymph nodes under my arm... there were several involved at the peak of my cancer. Now there was only one, and that one wasn't totally infected with the disease. That leads me to believe that there's no cancer in the one in my neck area. I can say with high confidence that I am cancer free for the moment. Next on the list... radiation! :)
We did talk about my arm - left arm. It's a bit sore under my arm near the armpit and as I try to extend it outwards, it hurts like the dickens. I did some research online and I think it's Axillary Web Syndrome or cording. Here's a sort of quasi definition of it:
"Researchers are still studying what exactly makes cording happen. Some experts believe that the surgery to the underarm and chest area traumatizes the connective tissue that encases nearby bundles of blood vessels, lymph vessels, and nerves. This trauma leads to inflammation, scarring, and eventually hardening of the tissue. This hardening can spread down the fibers of the connective tissue, which causes the cords to form."
So now I have a referral to see a physical therapist after I get the drains taken out. It's a temporary thing, so I am not too worried about it. However, there have been studies that show that it may increase the risk of lymphedema where my arm could swell up. Ho hum. Such is the life of a breast cancer patient.
As we were leaving today, the MA, Maureen, said that Brad was the world's greatest husband. I agree. Without his support I could not be where I am today. He has shown up at every single appointment with me (well the very important ones) and he went to every single chemo sucky appointment. I couldn't have asked for a better hubby! Thanks.
I also want to thank all my wonderful family and friends and even those I don't know. Without your prayers and constant support, I wouldn't have been as positive through this. I truly mean it.
To celebrate today's news, I took Brad out to Taco Bell! Yum yum! :)
A special thank you to Natalie, Jay, AJ and Trevor for the beautiful flowers and the wonderful Healing in Comfort shirt. I love the shirt... it's so nice and comfy and has a place for 4 drains! Ha! Thanks for the influx of cards. Kris, thanks for the celebratory care package. The girls love their tiaras. I can't wait to slip into my bathing suit cover up. March is just around the corner! ;)
First one was with the reconstructive surgeon... well actually the PA, Jason Carr. He looked at my incisions and said they were looking really good. Then he looked at my paper sheet where I recorded how much fluid came out of each drain. He said that one of the three drains could come out today. I was a little disappointed to hear that, but happy to hear that at least one drain got to come out of my body. It didn't hurt at all. I asked if the other drain would hurt when it's being taken out because it was bigger. He said no, the little one usually hurts the most because the tubing on the exterior is smaller than the tubing on the interior. Hmmm... That's good. He said that if I can keep the drainage down to 30mL per day for 48 hours, then I could have the other drains taken out. So I am expecting to have these drains in throughout the weekend. Heh, that's not that long in the grand scheme of things. Dr. Thaker came in while I was there. She said that I was looking good and healing really well. The blister on my chest is also looking good. She gave me the thumbs up and said that maybe in two weeks we can start on the saline fills. Hooray. I disposed of that awful pain ball. And an appointment was set for next Thursday to get the drains removed. However, they said that if I need them removed earlier than I could just call. Fantastic. :)
Next we moved on to Dr. Naik's appointment. We checked in and then I went to the infusion room because I just wanted to say hello to everyone there. They said that I looked fantastic and that I looked all summery. Well, it is 70 something degrees outside! They were happy to see me. I gave them a full report of how my surgery went and one of the nurses asked how I liked test driving my new boobs! I love it. I think I made a memorable impact on them.
Dr. Naik was running late, or at least the MA who was leading all the patients in... that would be Maureen, one of my favorites. We chatted a bit and she asked how I was doing. She said that I looked very good. We finally got into the room and got all situated. Then Dr. Naik came in. I zipped my cami down and she said that I was looking really good. Then she said that she didn't have the final pathology report back, but she did have the preliminary report. She said that she took out 16 lymph nodes. Of those 16, 15 came back clear, cancer free. One lymph node did come back positive, however, there were scant cancer cells in that node. As for the breast, the margins were clear, meaning that they got all the cancer out. It was music to my ears. So here's my thought... while I don't know if they got all the cancer out of my lymph node in the clavical area, I am HIGHLY certain there's no cancer there. The reason, the lymph nodes under my arm... there were several involved at the peak of my cancer. Now there was only one, and that one wasn't totally infected with the disease. That leads me to believe that there's no cancer in the one in my neck area. I can say with high confidence that I am cancer free for the moment. Next on the list... radiation! :)
We did talk about my arm - left arm. It's a bit sore under my arm near the armpit and as I try to extend it outwards, it hurts like the dickens. I did some research online and I think it's Axillary Web Syndrome or cording. Here's a sort of quasi definition of it:
"Researchers are still studying what exactly makes cording happen. Some experts believe that the surgery to the underarm and chest area traumatizes the connective tissue that encases nearby bundles of blood vessels, lymph vessels, and nerves. This trauma leads to inflammation, scarring, and eventually hardening of the tissue. This hardening can spread down the fibers of the connective tissue, which causes the cords to form."
So now I have a referral to see a physical therapist after I get the drains taken out. It's a temporary thing, so I am not too worried about it. However, there have been studies that show that it may increase the risk of lymphedema where my arm could swell up. Ho hum. Such is the life of a breast cancer patient.
As we were leaving today, the MA, Maureen, said that Brad was the world's greatest husband. I agree. Without his support I could not be where I am today. He has shown up at every single appointment with me (well the very important ones) and he went to every single chemo sucky appointment. I couldn't have asked for a better hubby! Thanks.
I also want to thank all my wonderful family and friends and even those I don't know. Without your prayers and constant support, I wouldn't have been as positive through this. I truly mean it.
To celebrate today's news, I took Brad out to Taco Bell! Yum yum! :)
A special thank you to Natalie, Jay, AJ and Trevor for the beautiful flowers and the wonderful Healing in Comfort shirt. I love the shirt... it's so nice and comfy and has a place for 4 drains! Ha! Thanks for the influx of cards. Kris, thanks for the celebratory care package. The girls love their tiaras. I can't wait to slip into my bathing suit cover up. March is just around the corner! ;)
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Day 158 - The Pain in my Neck...
Wow! I can't believe how much has changed since Friday! I am feeling stronger and stronger each day and I feel better and better. Today I took a shower and ditched my pain ball! That thing was a pain in my neck... literally.
With the help of Brad, this morning I managed to bathe myself and get a lot of that disinfecting orange crap off of me. Parts of my body reminded me of Jersey Girls. Ha! I looked like a spray tan gone horribly wrong. The shower took some time and maneuvering. I had to take my pain ball (which is housed in a fanny pack) and drape it over the other side of the shower door. I took a hanger, hooked the fanny pack onto it and then threw the tubes over the top of the shower door. I let the tubes hang down that were attached to me. Then for my drains, I attached them to a lanyard and put that around my neck. It was very cumbersome. Nevertheless, I had the help of my CNA Brad! I can't believe the only two CNAs in the hospital that asked if I needed assistance in "personal hygiene" were Jacob and Thwang, both males. I declined their assistance. I wonder what was going through their minds. Hee hee hee! Then after being soaped up and getting rinsed off (I couldn't let the shower hit my chest, I had to let the water just run over the front of me), I got a pat down with the towel. It felt wonderful to be clean again. A shower re-invigorates a soul. After my shower, I got Brad to pull out the tubing for the pain ball. He took off the plastic guarding the soaker hose tube. Then read the directions of how to remove the ON-Q pain ball tubes. Just pull slowly. He pulled and I could feel the tubing coming out of my breast. He kept pulling and pulling. There must have been at least 12" wrapped up in my breast cavity. It was unbelievable. Next it was the other side. We did the same thing. The only thing that hurt was when it was coming out it was pulling on my skin a little bit. So that wasn't very fun. But once it was out, it was nice to walk around without having two tubes coming out of my body attached to a fanny pack. Normally I would walk around the house with the pack around my neck... hence "Pain in my neck." But that was the best place for me to put it. It was heavy because it was still filled with pain medication. After getting freed from that, I actually could hug my kids without fear that Elaina would pull on the tubes. Yes, I still have drains, but those are tucked in under my shirt. So I don't fear them touching that part of me. (I'll post a picture of the pain ball later.)
After my shower and Dr. Brad working on me, I went out shopping with Karen. We hit up Target (needed to get the final book to the Lauren Kate series Fallen... thanks Ann!) and I bought "Rapture". After that we went to Kohls. Karen lucked out at both stores, picking up a shirt and a pair of capris. My shopping excursion caused me to become a little tired, so I took a nap. Then it was dinner and now my kids are bathed and smell so wonderful.
I also got a call from the social worker at the Center for Health and Healing Cancer floor, Kerry. She said that I was emotional after surgery and wanted to know if I was okay. I said I was and that it was emotional because of the fact that I had been through surgery and it was all done... the hardest parts of the whole treatment are done and I can now look forward to recovering. I told her that I wasn't emotional because I lost my breasts... I actually didn't care. But she wanted to check up on me. I thought that was nice.
Tomorrow I have two follow up appointments. One is with Dr. Thakar. Hopefully I will be able to get the three drains taken out of my side... I'll settle for taking out even one or two. They suck. Then I have a follow up appointment with Dr. Naik. Hopefully she will have the results from the axillary node dissection. I hope she got everything because I really don't want to undergo another surgery to get my lymph nodes taken out. I wonder how many they ended up taking anyway. I will let you know.
Now back to my stay in the hospital...
Sunday, June 17
Bright and early I woke up to the doctors doing their rounds. The breast surgeon fellow wanted to discharge me that day. I said no problem, however, I was already starting to feel a little ill. I ended up throwing up several times and then I had issues getting water down. As soon as I drank, I threw it up again. Uh oh. I wasn't going home. I was okay with that. Then my IV line blew and they couldn't push anything in it. It would hurt. So they ended up getting IV therapy in the room. She tried three times puncturing holes everywhere in my arm and couldn't get it. She said I give up, packed up her things and said to call when I get more hydrated. Um, yea, that's my problem. I can't get hydrated and that's why I needed the IV. The doctor had ordered phenergren via IV. If they didn't get a good line in, the drug could wreck my skin. It's just as toxic as chemo on my skin. Lovely. So then my wonderful nurse, Cathy W. (who I had for the second day in a row) suggested a suppository. That would be awesome. I was down with that. So she ordered the phenergren via suppository. Then another nurse, Aaron, came in and wanted to have a go at putting in an IV. He got it, but then it blew again. He said he tried. He also suggested that I try sucking on a popsicle. I said sure, I'd try anything. He got me a grape popsicle. The popsicle made me feel better. I don't know if it was because I had just gotten my suppository or because I was finally getting the water I needed and some much needed sugar in my body. I started feeling better. Then another IV therapy person came in. This time he came in with an u/s and found my teeny tiny vein via the machine. That was nice. I ended up not needing it anyway. Then around 5, I became hungry. I made Brad order me penne pasta. I got that and ate it ALL. I managed to keep everything down as well as the water that I was drinking. It tasted great. I even had a little tomato basil sauce on top with a roll. I kept dinner as bland as possible.
Bill came to visit around 6 or so and I was feeling great. Brad and Bill went to dinner in the cafeteria and I told Brad that he needed to bring me some "contraband" back to the room. I wanted some french fries. They didn't have that on my menu. Also, I told Brad to order me up another round of pasta, roll and a chocolate chip cookie because I was hungry. That came shortly after 7 when Brad and Bill got back from dinner. I wolfed that up too. I also ate half of the french fries. I was so hungry. It was the first full meal that I had had since Thursday night! Wonderful to feel a full tummy. Now I mentioned previously that the nurses were asking me if I had bowel movement. I kept saying no. Kind of hard to have one when you haven't eaten in days! Duh. Needless to say, I was feeling really good that night and slept wonderfully. I was ready to go home.
I'll be back with the Monday conclusion of my hospital stay tomorrow. I want to go and spend some time with Karen. She leaves tomorrow and then my mom will be here.
With the help of Brad, this morning I managed to bathe myself and get a lot of that disinfecting orange crap off of me. Parts of my body reminded me of Jersey Girls. Ha! I looked like a spray tan gone horribly wrong. The shower took some time and maneuvering. I had to take my pain ball (which is housed in a fanny pack) and drape it over the other side of the shower door. I took a hanger, hooked the fanny pack onto it and then threw the tubes over the top of the shower door. I let the tubes hang down that were attached to me. Then for my drains, I attached them to a lanyard and put that around my neck. It was very cumbersome. Nevertheless, I had the help of my CNA Brad! I can't believe the only two CNAs in the hospital that asked if I needed assistance in "personal hygiene" were Jacob and Thwang, both males. I declined their assistance. I wonder what was going through their minds. Hee hee hee! Then after being soaped up and getting rinsed off (I couldn't let the shower hit my chest, I had to let the water just run over the front of me), I got a pat down with the towel. It felt wonderful to be clean again. A shower re-invigorates a soul. After my shower, I got Brad to pull out the tubing for the pain ball. He took off the plastic guarding the soaker hose tube. Then read the directions of how to remove the ON-Q pain ball tubes. Just pull slowly. He pulled and I could feel the tubing coming out of my breast. He kept pulling and pulling. There must have been at least 12" wrapped up in my breast cavity. It was unbelievable. Next it was the other side. We did the same thing. The only thing that hurt was when it was coming out it was pulling on my skin a little bit. So that wasn't very fun. But once it was out, it was nice to walk around without having two tubes coming out of my body attached to a fanny pack. Normally I would walk around the house with the pack around my neck... hence "Pain in my neck." But that was the best place for me to put it. It was heavy because it was still filled with pain medication. After getting freed from that, I actually could hug my kids without fear that Elaina would pull on the tubes. Yes, I still have drains, but those are tucked in under my shirt. So I don't fear them touching that part of me. (I'll post a picture of the pain ball later.)
After my shower and Dr. Brad working on me, I went out shopping with Karen. We hit up Target (needed to get the final book to the Lauren Kate series Fallen... thanks Ann!) and I bought "Rapture". After that we went to Kohls. Karen lucked out at both stores, picking up a shirt and a pair of capris. My shopping excursion caused me to become a little tired, so I took a nap. Then it was dinner and now my kids are bathed and smell so wonderful.
I also got a call from the social worker at the Center for Health and Healing Cancer floor, Kerry. She said that I was emotional after surgery and wanted to know if I was okay. I said I was and that it was emotional because of the fact that I had been through surgery and it was all done... the hardest parts of the whole treatment are done and I can now look forward to recovering. I told her that I wasn't emotional because I lost my breasts... I actually didn't care. But she wanted to check up on me. I thought that was nice.
Tomorrow I have two follow up appointments. One is with Dr. Thakar. Hopefully I will be able to get the three drains taken out of my side... I'll settle for taking out even one or two. They suck. Then I have a follow up appointment with Dr. Naik. Hopefully she will have the results from the axillary node dissection. I hope she got everything because I really don't want to undergo another surgery to get my lymph nodes taken out. I wonder how many they ended up taking anyway. I will let you know.
Now back to my stay in the hospital...
Sunday, June 17
Bright and early I woke up to the doctors doing their rounds. The breast surgeon fellow wanted to discharge me that day. I said no problem, however, I was already starting to feel a little ill. I ended up throwing up several times and then I had issues getting water down. As soon as I drank, I threw it up again. Uh oh. I wasn't going home. I was okay with that. Then my IV line blew and they couldn't push anything in it. It would hurt. So they ended up getting IV therapy in the room. She tried three times puncturing holes everywhere in my arm and couldn't get it. She said I give up, packed up her things and said to call when I get more hydrated. Um, yea, that's my problem. I can't get hydrated and that's why I needed the IV. The doctor had ordered phenergren via IV. If they didn't get a good line in, the drug could wreck my skin. It's just as toxic as chemo on my skin. Lovely. So then my wonderful nurse, Cathy W. (who I had for the second day in a row) suggested a suppository. That would be awesome. I was down with that. So she ordered the phenergren via suppository. Then another nurse, Aaron, came in and wanted to have a go at putting in an IV. He got it, but then it blew again. He said he tried. He also suggested that I try sucking on a popsicle. I said sure, I'd try anything. He got me a grape popsicle. The popsicle made me feel better. I don't know if it was because I had just gotten my suppository or because I was finally getting the water I needed and some much needed sugar in my body. I started feeling better. Then another IV therapy person came in. This time he came in with an u/s and found my teeny tiny vein via the machine. That was nice. I ended up not needing it anyway. Then around 5, I became hungry. I made Brad order me penne pasta. I got that and ate it ALL. I managed to keep everything down as well as the water that I was drinking. It tasted great. I even had a little tomato basil sauce on top with a roll. I kept dinner as bland as possible.
Bill came to visit around 6 or so and I was feeling great. Brad and Bill went to dinner in the cafeteria and I told Brad that he needed to bring me some "contraband" back to the room. I wanted some french fries. They didn't have that on my menu. Also, I told Brad to order me up another round of pasta, roll and a chocolate chip cookie because I was hungry. That came shortly after 7 when Brad and Bill got back from dinner. I wolfed that up too. I also ate half of the french fries. I was so hungry. It was the first full meal that I had had since Thursday night! Wonderful to feel a full tummy. Now I mentioned previously that the nurses were asking me if I had bowel movement. I kept saying no. Kind of hard to have one when you haven't eaten in days! Duh. Needless to say, I was feeling really good that night and slept wonderfully. I was ready to go home.
I'll be back with the Monday conclusion of my hospital stay tomorrow. I want to go and spend some time with Karen. She leaves tomorrow and then my mom will be here.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Day 157 - Home Sweet Home!
So I am finally home after a long stay at the hospital. I am so happy to be home. I feel like I am on the road to recovery. Every day I can do more and more stuff.
First to catch you up on the now. I am not taking any pain medication. My last pain meds were taken on Sunday at 3pm. So I have a full prescription of oxycodone. :) I am still on my "soaker hose" drip style pain medication which is constantly being infused into my breasts... or where the real ones used to be. I am fully mobile on my own two feet. I can get up and down out of bed and out of a chair. I can sit on the toilet with ease and get off of it with ease. My bowel functions have been normal... more about that later. I still need to take a shower. I must be somewhat stinky by now. My appetite is slowly increasing. I'm working on my range of motion and my exercises that I have been instructed to do over the next few weeks. I do believe that I am now over the proverbial hump. This mastectomy has, yes, been life changing... but not life changing the in the effects of my life has changed. My kids still love me and see nothing different. My husband still loves me and still gets upset and mad at me. I am still the same me. Nothing has changed on the interior and that's what makes me who I am. Only the exterior has changed and really, it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be.
So let me start with Friday. Some of you may already know a lot of the particulars, but many of you don't... so I will clue you in. I am sorry that this has been delayed. I wanted to post more... but Friday was a cluster, Saturday was a little better... but all I could muster up was texting. Sunday I felt awful, but I did manage to post! And yesterday I was too busy trying to get out of the hospital... and you'll find out why it was so difficult to do so. So, sit back and enjoy the reading... as I am in my warm comfy bed with my legs curled up underneath me with my laptop... well on my lap. :)
Friday, June 15 - Booby Day!
We left for the hospital at around 530a. We hit no traffic and if anyone lives around Portland, getting to OHSU can be a pain the rear. It was nice sailing through some of the lights without having to wait for PSU student pedestrians. We parked the car and got to the admission desk at about 6a. We looked in the waiting room and who did we see??? We saw Bill and Evelyn sitting there waiting for us. That's Brad's parents. They said that they weren't coming until 9a when I would already be under and hopefully well underway. The day surgery admission was packed already. I couldn't believe it. We had to wait to get checked in. My name was called and we got all the paperwork taken care of. At around 630 they called us to walk back the the surgery waiting area. (Wow, this is making my stomach all bubbly and nervous!) They brought us down to the curtained area where I would be waiting. It was the same exact bed that I was at when I had my port placement. I stripped down to practically nothing... I had a huge gown on, hospital slippers and my hat. I wanted to keep my head warm while I waited. It took forever for someone to come in to start on anything. The first person I saw was Dr. Thakar, the plastic surgeon. She marked me up... gave her guidelines to where my boobs normal are. Then she went over some stuff in a packet she had given to me previously. I asked some questions and then she was gone. Next who came in... I think was the anesthesiologist. It was the same dude that was going to be the anesthesiologist for my port placement. Crazy. Then he left. Next came the nurse anesthesiologist and she went over some things that she would be doing. She would be giving me some relaxing stuff and then when I was out they would be putting a tube down my throat and giving me my general anesthesia. Fantastic. Next Dr. Naik swung by. I asked her a couple of questions... something about lymph nodes and how they would be taking my port out... would it be through my scar or through the breast. She said that it would be taken out through my breast and she wouldn't have to go through my scar. Brilliant! By that time everyone was running behind. The nurse anthesiologist couldn't believe that an IV line hadn't been started. They tried to get one in and couldn't get on in my arm... well duh, I haven't hydrated myself. In addition, the veins on my right arm are very tiny. So someone finally got an IV in on my wrist - the underside of it. At this point I was getting anxious because of all the people coming in and out and the fact that they couldn't get an IV line in and we were already running late. That made the tears start to flow. Once the IV was in, the nurse anesthetist pumped me full of some relaxing medication and I felt so much better. I just closed my eyes and sort of waited. I don't even remember waving good bye or kissing Brad good bye. But he said I did. The rest... well... is history.
I woke up around 2ish... at least that was the time I actually came to and opened my eyes and looked at the clock on the wall. I felt real sluggish. But glad that I was on the other side. My chest hurt and it hurt to breathe in. I drifted back to sleep, but I could hear everything that was being said. I do recall the nurse who was looking after me that they put a catheter in me and got 300mL of pee out of me before being done. So I did have a catheter! Aha! Oh well. At least I knew that I wouldn't pee in bed. I think it was around 230 or 3 that they decided I was stable enough to get wheeled to my more permanent room. They cleared my drains... 30 for the axillary drain, 50 for the breast drain and 55 for the right one. I made sure that Brad would be the only one there escorting me to my new room. He met me outside the recovery room. It was nice to see him. Then they took me to my room in the main hospital. I was supposed to be in Kohler but for some reason they were all booked up. My first room was a shared room. I was supposed to get a private room. Nevertheless, it was shared room in the corner with no window! Brad wasn't too happy. To make a long story short, he had to call Brooke, the nurse navigator who got in touch with Dr. Naik who got in touch with bed control to fight for a private room. There wasn't even a chair in the room where Brad could sleep. They told him that he would have to sleep in the waiting room. Um, I could barely talk and move. What if I needed help with something? I wouldn't be able to do it. While Brad fought with bed control, Dr. Thakar came in and said that everything looked good and the surgery was a success. She said that Dr. Naik had to take a little more skin from my left breast (which I figured would happen since the tumor was so close to the skin) and she filled the tissue expanders with 100mL of saline. Not a bad start. I guess the right one could have been filled up bigger because there was more tissue and it was the non affected breast. Then Dr. Naik came in and said that everything went well. She talked with Brad and said that she would do her part with bed control. Finally the nurse came in and said something about where Brad was and that there may be a room... I didn't really know what was going on... but I did have my cell phone... so I called him and told him to come back. He did and did what he needed to do. I was coherent enough to text some friends... but my spelling was awful. Sorry!
At around 7, I think, I finally got the okay that a new private room was available for me. They started wheeling me out of the shared room and I got sick. I threw up three times into a bucket. It was just water, but nevertheless, I threw up. It didn't really hurt my chest. They stopped me in the middle of the doorway because they wanted to raise my head up. But I had done the deed. Then they got me to my room where I stayed for the remainder of my stay.
I did manage to pee that first night. That was a nightmare. But I had to go bad and I didn't want a bed pan. The nurse helped me as well as Brad. It was a gradual process to get me half sitting up, to sitting up, to dangling my feet over the bed, to standing up, to walking slowly to the commode. Then I sat and peed! Hooray... then it was back to the bed. That first night I got up several times with the help of the nurse and Brad. It got easier each time though. I am proud that I didn't need a bed pan.
Saturday, June 16
Boy do I really remember Saturday? All I remember is that all through the night the nurses and CNAs kept coming in to bother me to take my vitals. The CNA, Irene, was awful. She tried taking my temperature under my arm - the arm with the stitches under it without first asking. We told her NO! I just had surgery under that arm and to not to touch me there. Then she couldn't figure out the drain set up. What did it really matter? Lord have mercy. She kept me up for 20 minutes while she tried to figure out the drain crap.
Saturday morning, Dr. Thakar came in bright and early doing her rounds at 7a. She asked how I was doing. I told her I was doing good. Dr. Naik also came in to do her rounds as well. She was the oncall surgeon for the weekend. I also got to see plenty of "junior" doctors - the fellows and residents. They all wanted to see me. I ordered breakfast but didn't get much down. Most of it went to Brad. He ate my blueberry muffin. I got my first antibiotic and another dose of my iv form of pain medication. Soon after that I threw it up. We kind of figured that it might be the pain meds that may be making me sick... that I needed to eat something with it. Saturday was really peppered with napping, medication, napping and watching TV. I really don't remember much of it. Nor do I care to. I do remember that I did get a first look at my chest. I didn't know what to expect. It wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be. I thought I would look and start to cry and miss what I had. But I have come way to far to miss my boobs. I saw little boobies and a whole lot of stitches which will give me a great scar for the rest of my life. I was kind of shocked at how long the scars are. The one on my left side goes from where the nipple used to be all the way to under my arm... well... a little bit under my arm. The one on the right goes from the center to the edge of where my boob would end. So they are a bit longer than I expected. Hmm... something I might ask the surgeons as to why they seem so much longer. But maybe it's just perception. There are no dressings on my scars. They are covered with this stuff called "dermabond" which makes them water proof. The only dressing is over the drains. I hate drains. They hurt and are uncomfortable when the tubing shifts the wrong way. I know they are a necessary evil, but they suck. Literally.
I am a bit weary right now... more like my fingers. I'll catch you up with Sunday and Monday's antics a little later... :) Also, I am hungry. I smell lunch downstairs and my tummy is grumbling.
First to catch you up on the now. I am not taking any pain medication. My last pain meds were taken on Sunday at 3pm. So I have a full prescription of oxycodone. :) I am still on my "soaker hose" drip style pain medication which is constantly being infused into my breasts... or where the real ones used to be. I am fully mobile on my own two feet. I can get up and down out of bed and out of a chair. I can sit on the toilet with ease and get off of it with ease. My bowel functions have been normal... more about that later. I still need to take a shower. I must be somewhat stinky by now. My appetite is slowly increasing. I'm working on my range of motion and my exercises that I have been instructed to do over the next few weeks. I do believe that I am now over the proverbial hump. This mastectomy has, yes, been life changing... but not life changing the in the effects of my life has changed. My kids still love me and see nothing different. My husband still loves me and still gets upset and mad at me. I am still the same me. Nothing has changed on the interior and that's what makes me who I am. Only the exterior has changed and really, it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be.
So let me start with Friday. Some of you may already know a lot of the particulars, but many of you don't... so I will clue you in. I am sorry that this has been delayed. I wanted to post more... but Friday was a cluster, Saturday was a little better... but all I could muster up was texting. Sunday I felt awful, but I did manage to post! And yesterday I was too busy trying to get out of the hospital... and you'll find out why it was so difficult to do so. So, sit back and enjoy the reading... as I am in my warm comfy bed with my legs curled up underneath me with my laptop... well on my lap. :)
Friday, June 15 - Booby Day!
We left for the hospital at around 530a. We hit no traffic and if anyone lives around Portland, getting to OHSU can be a pain the rear. It was nice sailing through some of the lights without having to wait for PSU student pedestrians. We parked the car and got to the admission desk at about 6a. We looked in the waiting room and who did we see??? We saw Bill and Evelyn sitting there waiting for us. That's Brad's parents. They said that they weren't coming until 9a when I would already be under and hopefully well underway. The day surgery admission was packed already. I couldn't believe it. We had to wait to get checked in. My name was called and we got all the paperwork taken care of. At around 630 they called us to walk back the the surgery waiting area. (Wow, this is making my stomach all bubbly and nervous!) They brought us down to the curtained area where I would be waiting. It was the same exact bed that I was at when I had my port placement. I stripped down to practically nothing... I had a huge gown on, hospital slippers and my hat. I wanted to keep my head warm while I waited. It took forever for someone to come in to start on anything. The first person I saw was Dr. Thakar, the plastic surgeon. She marked me up... gave her guidelines to where my boobs normal are. Then she went over some stuff in a packet she had given to me previously. I asked some questions and then she was gone. Next who came in... I think was the anesthesiologist. It was the same dude that was going to be the anesthesiologist for my port placement. Crazy. Then he left. Next came the nurse anesthesiologist and she went over some things that she would be doing. She would be giving me some relaxing stuff and then when I was out they would be putting a tube down my throat and giving me my general anesthesia. Fantastic. Next Dr. Naik swung by. I asked her a couple of questions... something about lymph nodes and how they would be taking my port out... would it be through my scar or through the breast. She said that it would be taken out through my breast and she wouldn't have to go through my scar. Brilliant! By that time everyone was running behind. The nurse anthesiologist couldn't believe that an IV line hadn't been started. They tried to get one in and couldn't get on in my arm... well duh, I haven't hydrated myself. In addition, the veins on my right arm are very tiny. So someone finally got an IV in on my wrist - the underside of it. At this point I was getting anxious because of all the people coming in and out and the fact that they couldn't get an IV line in and we were already running late. That made the tears start to flow. Once the IV was in, the nurse anesthetist pumped me full of some relaxing medication and I felt so much better. I just closed my eyes and sort of waited. I don't even remember waving good bye or kissing Brad good bye. But he said I did. The rest... well... is history.
I woke up around 2ish... at least that was the time I actually came to and opened my eyes and looked at the clock on the wall. I felt real sluggish. But glad that I was on the other side. My chest hurt and it hurt to breathe in. I drifted back to sleep, but I could hear everything that was being said. I do recall the nurse who was looking after me that they put a catheter in me and got 300mL of pee out of me before being done. So I did have a catheter! Aha! Oh well. At least I knew that I wouldn't pee in bed. I think it was around 230 or 3 that they decided I was stable enough to get wheeled to my more permanent room. They cleared my drains... 30 for the axillary drain, 50 for the breast drain and 55 for the right one. I made sure that Brad would be the only one there escorting me to my new room. He met me outside the recovery room. It was nice to see him. Then they took me to my room in the main hospital. I was supposed to be in Kohler but for some reason they were all booked up. My first room was a shared room. I was supposed to get a private room. Nevertheless, it was shared room in the corner with no window! Brad wasn't too happy. To make a long story short, he had to call Brooke, the nurse navigator who got in touch with Dr. Naik who got in touch with bed control to fight for a private room. There wasn't even a chair in the room where Brad could sleep. They told him that he would have to sleep in the waiting room. Um, I could barely talk and move. What if I needed help with something? I wouldn't be able to do it. While Brad fought with bed control, Dr. Thakar came in and said that everything looked good and the surgery was a success. She said that Dr. Naik had to take a little more skin from my left breast (which I figured would happen since the tumor was so close to the skin) and she filled the tissue expanders with 100mL of saline. Not a bad start. I guess the right one could have been filled up bigger because there was more tissue and it was the non affected breast. Then Dr. Naik came in and said that everything went well. She talked with Brad and said that she would do her part with bed control. Finally the nurse came in and said something about where Brad was and that there may be a room... I didn't really know what was going on... but I did have my cell phone... so I called him and told him to come back. He did and did what he needed to do. I was coherent enough to text some friends... but my spelling was awful. Sorry!
At around 7, I think, I finally got the okay that a new private room was available for me. They started wheeling me out of the shared room and I got sick. I threw up three times into a bucket. It was just water, but nevertheless, I threw up. It didn't really hurt my chest. They stopped me in the middle of the doorway because they wanted to raise my head up. But I had done the deed. Then they got me to my room where I stayed for the remainder of my stay.
I did manage to pee that first night. That was a nightmare. But I had to go bad and I didn't want a bed pan. The nurse helped me as well as Brad. It was a gradual process to get me half sitting up, to sitting up, to dangling my feet over the bed, to standing up, to walking slowly to the commode. Then I sat and peed! Hooray... then it was back to the bed. That first night I got up several times with the help of the nurse and Brad. It got easier each time though. I am proud that I didn't need a bed pan.
Saturday, June 16
Boy do I really remember Saturday? All I remember is that all through the night the nurses and CNAs kept coming in to bother me to take my vitals. The CNA, Irene, was awful. She tried taking my temperature under my arm - the arm with the stitches under it without first asking. We told her NO! I just had surgery under that arm and to not to touch me there. Then she couldn't figure out the drain set up. What did it really matter? Lord have mercy. She kept me up for 20 minutes while she tried to figure out the drain crap.
Saturday morning, Dr. Thakar came in bright and early doing her rounds at 7a. She asked how I was doing. I told her I was doing good. Dr. Naik also came in to do her rounds as well. She was the oncall surgeon for the weekend. I also got to see plenty of "junior" doctors - the fellows and residents. They all wanted to see me. I ordered breakfast but didn't get much down. Most of it went to Brad. He ate my blueberry muffin. I got my first antibiotic and another dose of my iv form of pain medication. Soon after that I threw it up. We kind of figured that it might be the pain meds that may be making me sick... that I needed to eat something with it. Saturday was really peppered with napping, medication, napping and watching TV. I really don't remember much of it. Nor do I care to. I do remember that I did get a first look at my chest. I didn't know what to expect. It wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be. I thought I would look and start to cry and miss what I had. But I have come way to far to miss my boobs. I saw little boobies and a whole lot of stitches which will give me a great scar for the rest of my life. I was kind of shocked at how long the scars are. The one on my left side goes from where the nipple used to be all the way to under my arm... well... a little bit under my arm. The one on the right goes from the center to the edge of where my boob would end. So they are a bit longer than I expected. Hmm... something I might ask the surgeons as to why they seem so much longer. But maybe it's just perception. There are no dressings on my scars. They are covered with this stuff called "dermabond" which makes them water proof. The only dressing is over the drains. I hate drains. They hurt and are uncomfortable when the tubing shifts the wrong way. I know they are a necessary evil, but they suck. Literally.
I am a bit weary right now... more like my fingers. I'll catch you up with Sunday and Monday's antics a little later... :) Also, I am hungry. I smell lunch downstairs and my tummy is grumbling.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Day 155 - I'm still here!
Hello to everyone! I just wanted everyone to know that I made it to the other side. It was a harrowing experience... and I'll go into it in detail later. I'm kind of winded. But the surgery went well. There's hardly any bruising. I am draining well. However, I can't seem to hold an IV in place. I've got poke holes all over my right side. Today we were supposed to go home, but I was feeling nauseous. They pumped me full of zofran, but that didn't work. Needless to say I am staying one more night.
I'll be back later for more information... but my pain... nearly non-existant. thank goodness for a pain pump!
I'll be back later for more information... but my pain... nearly non-existant. thank goodness for a pain pump!
Friday, June 15, 2012
Day 153 - Double Mastectomy Day
All clean. Said good bye to the "girls". Just wanted to say see you on the other side!
Love to all... check back for updates. And I'm okay. :)
Love to all... check back for updates. And I'm okay. :)
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Day 152 - Night Before Surgery
Ooooh, that title post sends shivers down my spine. Oh wait, that's the AC on! LOL.
Well, I have finally made it to the eve of mastectomy surgery day. Ask me if I am nervous. Answer: of course. I don't want to do this. But I know I have to. I want to live. I want to see my kids grow up and I want to be a grandma. Put my happy face on. Reassure everyone that I am doing okay. I am, really I am. But to some degree I wish it were all over that way we can all focus on something else. I am grateful for all the well wishes, good luck and prayers. It's prayers that I will need most. Pray that the surgery is "run of the mill" and there are no complications. I am not worried about the surgery. I am most worried about serious complications... like a chipped tooth. Yea, that's a hazard of general anesthesia. Honestly, there's a part of me that's worried that I will never wake up. I know that is rare, but it's a thought that bubbles and festers in the back of my mind. But I'll be talking to everyone tomorrow evening.
As for my day today... got up at 3 and got ready for work. Worked until 8.30a and then left to go home. Got home, made a call to Dr. Thakar's office to get my FMLA claim recertified, vacuumed the house, got gas for the car and then made my way to my pre-op appointment with Dr. Naik. The appointment was fast, at least with the doctor. We had to wait and wait for the nurse to come in and go over the particulars of the surgery itself. When she came in, she told me that my surgery was the first of the morning! Hooray. I have to check in tomorrow at 6a. They want me to be in the OR by 7.30. The surgery should take 4-5 hours. After surgery, I will be taken to the recovery room. I'll be there for the next hour to two hours while I wake up from being under. Following that I will be taken to my normal room where I will stay until the pain management is in check and I am strong enough to be discharged. I will meet with Dr. Naik and Dr. Thakar one last time in the morning as well as with the anesthesiologist. Dr. Naik will also be taking out my port. Hooray!
My 12.30 meeting was joke. The only thing I got out of it (it was a pre-anesthesia appointment) was a special body wash. I am supposed to take a shower tonight and use half of the bottle on my skin. Let it stand for one minute and then wash it off. It needs to be applied from my neck down to my toes and not around my gential area because it will sting or make my eyes water. Interesting, eh? What's it for? It's supposed to kill all the bacteria that may be on my body. Interesting. I didn't have to do it when I got my port. Nor did I have to go through this pre-op BS. After showering, I need to put on fresh sleep clothes and sleep in fresh laundered sheets. Then tomorrow morning I have to do it all again. Other than that... that's all I got of that meeting.
After that I raced to get Grammy at the airport. We ran to Costco, picked up the kids and went to Fred Meyer. When I got home, I made dinner, packed, got the kids in the tub, read to Amelia, filled out the rest of my paperwork and am now posting. Phew.
Oh yes, I saw Dr. Luoh today. I was hoping I would because I wanted to say good bye to him. He told me that I would be all right and gave me a big hug. He's a great man. I like him a lot.
So I hope to be online tomorrow... or have Brad do it as I dictate to him... so I can at least say I am still alive. :)
Well... I am off to shower. Keep me in your prayers. Love you all!
Well, I have finally made it to the eve of mastectomy surgery day. Ask me if I am nervous. Answer: of course. I don't want to do this. But I know I have to. I want to live. I want to see my kids grow up and I want to be a grandma. Put my happy face on. Reassure everyone that I am doing okay. I am, really I am. But to some degree I wish it were all over that way we can all focus on something else. I am grateful for all the well wishes, good luck and prayers. It's prayers that I will need most. Pray that the surgery is "run of the mill" and there are no complications. I am not worried about the surgery. I am most worried about serious complications... like a chipped tooth. Yea, that's a hazard of general anesthesia. Honestly, there's a part of me that's worried that I will never wake up. I know that is rare, but it's a thought that bubbles and festers in the back of my mind. But I'll be talking to everyone tomorrow evening.
As for my day today... got up at 3 and got ready for work. Worked until 8.30a and then left to go home. Got home, made a call to Dr. Thakar's office to get my FMLA claim recertified, vacuumed the house, got gas for the car and then made my way to my pre-op appointment with Dr. Naik. The appointment was fast, at least with the doctor. We had to wait and wait for the nurse to come in and go over the particulars of the surgery itself. When she came in, she told me that my surgery was the first of the morning! Hooray. I have to check in tomorrow at 6a. They want me to be in the OR by 7.30. The surgery should take 4-5 hours. After surgery, I will be taken to the recovery room. I'll be there for the next hour to two hours while I wake up from being under. Following that I will be taken to my normal room where I will stay until the pain management is in check and I am strong enough to be discharged. I will meet with Dr. Naik and Dr. Thakar one last time in the morning as well as with the anesthesiologist. Dr. Naik will also be taking out my port. Hooray!
My 12.30 meeting was joke. The only thing I got out of it (it was a pre-anesthesia appointment) was a special body wash. I am supposed to take a shower tonight and use half of the bottle on my skin. Let it stand for one minute and then wash it off. It needs to be applied from my neck down to my toes and not around my gential area because it will sting or make my eyes water. Interesting, eh? What's it for? It's supposed to kill all the bacteria that may be on my body. Interesting. I didn't have to do it when I got my port. Nor did I have to go through this pre-op BS. After showering, I need to put on fresh sleep clothes and sleep in fresh laundered sheets. Then tomorrow morning I have to do it all again. Other than that... that's all I got of that meeting.
After that I raced to get Grammy at the airport. We ran to Costco, picked up the kids and went to Fred Meyer. When I got home, I made dinner, packed, got the kids in the tub, read to Amelia, filled out the rest of my paperwork and am now posting. Phew.
Oh yes, I saw Dr. Luoh today. I was hoping I would because I wanted to say good bye to him. He told me that I would be all right and gave me a big hug. He's a great man. I like him a lot.
So I hope to be online tomorrow... or have Brad do it as I dictate to him... so I can at least say I am still alive. :)
Well... I am off to shower. Keep me in your prayers. Love you all!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Day 151 - Chemo Hair
Getting all set and ready for my surgery in 36 hours or so. Tomorrow is my last day of work until July! Wow! July. Anyway, ready for what's to come. Getting a little nervous. I'm nervous to look down after the surgery and see "nothing". I know I will see something... but it's just a little unnerving. However, I don't have much to begin with, so I am not giving much up anyway. Tomorrow Grammy flies in from Nevada to watch the girls. I also have a 1015 pre-op appointment with Dr. Naik. Then at 12.30, I have a pre-op appointment up on the Hill at the hospital. Dunno what that's about.... but we shall see.
So I keep looking in the mirror at my hair. It's not thick and luscious yet, but it is growing really fast. I mean, it seems like it grows several millimeters overnight. Then this afternoon I looked at my eye lashes... while they are falling out, I am also seeing them grow right back in. They look even thicker, once they become longer. Right now they look like little dots surrounding my eyes. Interesting, eh?
Other than that... not much else to report. I am sure I'll have more to write tomorrow. Until then...
So I keep looking in the mirror at my hair. It's not thick and luscious yet, but it is growing really fast. I mean, it seems like it grows several millimeters overnight. Then this afternoon I looked at my eye lashes... while they are falling out, I am also seeing them grow right back in. They look even thicker, once they become longer. Right now they look like little dots surrounding my eyes. Interesting, eh?
Other than that... not much else to report. I am sure I'll have more to write tomorrow. Until then...
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Day 150 - Not much longer...
Less than 72 hours away... and how am I spending my time? Dealing with dumb stuff. Bills are all paid, need to do last minute grocery shopping, house is pretty much tidied up (as best as it will be), clothes are all sorted to go out... Now what? Oh yes, I will pack my bag on Thursday night for the hospital stay.
Yes I am boring. Boring post. Not feeling overly anxious or anything. Just ready to be on the other side of the hump... maybe I'll be doing better this time next week. Who knows...
Yes I am boring. Boring post. Not feeling overly anxious or anything. Just ready to be on the other side of the hump... maybe I'll be doing better this time next week. Who knows...
Monday, June 11, 2012
Day 149 - Today I forgot...
It's day 149... and today I for a minute I forgot I had breast cancer.
I took Amelia to her 4 year check up and was waiting for the nurse to come back into the room and give her her vaccinations. Then the doctor came in and said, "No vaccinations today." He said that he noticed I had no hair and wanted to know where in my chemo treatment I was. I totally forgot that I had treatment for breast cancer! I'm glad he stopped and asked. One of the vaccinations is a live virus and he didn't want to run the risk of me getting infected. He asked if I had a CBC... I told him that my last draw my levels were back to normal... white blood - normal, red blood - a little below and platlets - normal. I was four weeks past my last chemo-sucky treatment. He said that I should be fine because my counts were nearly normal... but just to be on the safe side he would hold off on the live virus vaccination. He left. I then poked my head out and asked the nurse (the one who actually noticed that I didn't have any hair) and asked if I could wait to do both when we bring Elaina in at the end of summer. I didn't want her to have a shot now and another in two months. That would be just plain ol' wrong.
Well... I don't have much time left with the body I started this life off with... I have limited time with my boobies. But that's okay. I figure they're so small I won't miss much of them. Hee hee! I will miss the feeling that came with them, but I know they don't make me any less of a woman. In fact I'd rather have my hair back. If anyone is reading this who has had a mastectomy... did you have a little "good bye" party for your boobs?
Oh yes... and on Friday I got this awesome gift in the mail:
Mine is in pink... thanks Suzanne. Her note said she got me a larger size to fit those brand new bigger boobies! LOL
I don't think there's much left to write... however, I do want to give a big cheer to my mystery follower whose tumor marker is down yet again... 225 to 14! Hooray. And now this person gets to ditch one of the three cocktails of chemo-sucky.
I took Amelia to her 4 year check up and was waiting for the nurse to come back into the room and give her her vaccinations. Then the doctor came in and said, "No vaccinations today." He said that he noticed I had no hair and wanted to know where in my chemo treatment I was. I totally forgot that I had treatment for breast cancer! I'm glad he stopped and asked. One of the vaccinations is a live virus and he didn't want to run the risk of me getting infected. He asked if I had a CBC... I told him that my last draw my levels were back to normal... white blood - normal, red blood - a little below and platlets - normal. I was four weeks past my last chemo-sucky treatment. He said that I should be fine because my counts were nearly normal... but just to be on the safe side he would hold off on the live virus vaccination. He left. I then poked my head out and asked the nurse (the one who actually noticed that I didn't have any hair) and asked if I could wait to do both when we bring Elaina in at the end of summer. I didn't want her to have a shot now and another in two months. That would be just plain ol' wrong.
Well... I don't have much time left with the body I started this life off with... I have limited time with my boobies. But that's okay. I figure they're so small I won't miss much of them. Hee hee! I will miss the feeling that came with them, but I know they don't make me any less of a woman. In fact I'd rather have my hair back. If anyone is reading this who has had a mastectomy... did you have a little "good bye" party for your boobs?
Oh yes... and on Friday I got this awesome gift in the mail:
Mine is in pink... thanks Suzanne. Her note said she got me a larger size to fit those brand new bigger boobies! LOL
I don't think there's much left to write... however, I do want to give a big cheer to my mystery follower whose tumor marker is down yet again... 225 to 14! Hooray. And now this person gets to ditch one of the three cocktails of chemo-sucky.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Day 145 - I'm an old man!
Well, actually, I am not an old man, but I feel like it! Ha! My hair is coming back, but it's really thick around the ears. So I feel like a bald man. And I can see all my gray hairs. I can't wait until it's all back in full and long enough so I can color it!
Not doing much lately. Just enjoying cuddles with the kids. Next Friday is B-day! I'm nervous about it. I won't lie. Most of it is the unknown of what will happen. I'm more concerned about what to expect leading up to the surgery, not necessarily what to expect after the surgery. I've got that taken care of. I hate the fact that I won't know what time my surgery is scheduled until a few days before. I am hoping it's the first one of the day. Ugh. Upon longer reflection... as I sit here staring at the computer... I am most nervous for the fact that I don't want to pee in bed or have a catheter. I want to pee on a toilet. Who is going to help me get there? Will I be able to get to the bathroom? Will I be in too much pain to get there? Stupid, huh? I know it's ridiculous... I mean I peed on the table when delivering Amelia... and who knows what I did with Elaina (she came too quick to notice anything). Dr. Thaker said that I should take 3 walks each five minutes as soon as I can. Does a trip to the loo qualify? Yea, I crack myself up.
Other than that, Happy Birthday Amelia! Just preparing for her birthday party this weekend. It'll be the last time hurrah for me for awhile. :)
Not doing much lately. Just enjoying cuddles with the kids. Next Friday is B-day! I'm nervous about it. I won't lie. Most of it is the unknown of what will happen. I'm more concerned about what to expect leading up to the surgery, not necessarily what to expect after the surgery. I've got that taken care of. I hate the fact that I won't know what time my surgery is scheduled until a few days before. I am hoping it's the first one of the day. Ugh. Upon longer reflection... as I sit here staring at the computer... I am most nervous for the fact that I don't want to pee in bed or have a catheter. I want to pee on a toilet. Who is going to help me get there? Will I be able to get to the bathroom? Will I be in too much pain to get there? Stupid, huh? I know it's ridiculous... I mean I peed on the table when delivering Amelia... and who knows what I did with Elaina (she came too quick to notice anything). Dr. Thaker said that I should take 3 walks each five minutes as soon as I can. Does a trip to the loo qualify? Yea, I crack myself up.
Other than that, Happy Birthday Amelia! Just preparing for her birthday party this weekend. It'll be the last time hurrah for me for awhile. :)
Monday, June 4, 2012
Day 142 - Pre-op Reconstructive Surgery
Today was a day of tests and running around. After work, I dashed home to get my wig off of my head. Then after a brief stint at home I ran to OHSU. My first stop, x-ray. I needed to get a pre-op x-ray. They took two pictures and I looked "all clear." It was kind of cool because I got to see my port. The tube goes up and then back down and into my heart. So when I was getting my chemo it went straight to my heart and then immediately got pushed around my body. How cool is that??
Following the x-ray, I went up to the 9th floor for my EKG. I guess they want to know that my heart can take the upcoming surgery. It looked fantastic. I am still alive.
By this time it was 2:15 and I had to run back downstairs to the fifth floor to meet with the reconstructive surgeon, Dr. Hema Thakar. I can't tell you how cool she is. She went over pre-op stuff, like what is going to happen, what could happen and to reassure me and Brad that it most likely won't happen. We also got to see what the tissue expanders look like and a silicone breast implant. Most definitely silicone. Dr. Thakar even got a "medical" grade "stud finder" for the tissue expander. She showed us how it works and how they find the port where the saline is injected. Then she broke out a needle and showed us how the needle to inject the saline worked. She even let us practice on it. I mean, how seriously cool is that? To let us be little doctors! Ha! She left me with homework. She wants me to read a packet of information and then to write down questions. She also left us with information leading up to surgery and after care. So Brad and I will be reviewing that. I can't believe that the surgery is almost here. I can remember being so bummed that I would have to wait six months to get this horrible thing out of my body... and here it is... time to get it out. Dr. Thakar also wrote me a prescription to get mastectomy lingere. She suggested a store not too far away from Center for Health and Healing. She said that they have a camisole that zips in the front and inside you can hang the drains from the surgery. More on that later.
After our awesome pre-op with Dr. Thakar, it was up to the 7th floor. I needed to get blood drawn and my port flushed. Wow... port flushed one more time. That sucker is coming out next Friday. I hate it. While I was there, Jennifer came out and said hello and then took me to the infusion room. It's like a little family there. I love all the nurses. I even saw Jon. Jennifer and I talked a little. I saw Dr. Luoh's nurse, Angie. And then they took my blood. It was the fastest trip to the infusion room. I promised I would stop by again.
Following that, Brad and I went to the lingere store. We looked at three different types of mastectomy bras. The first looked like a normal bra with clasps in the front. It had little velcro pockets for the drains. The second was a cami... and it was one you step into. I didn't like that one. The third and the one I went with is a white one that zips in the front. Just like the bra, the drain holders velcroed to the inside of the cami. I will have to model it for you pre-op. It's got a little lace on the top... so I can at least feel a little feminine in it. The lady who helped me... omg! A little too much Jersey Shore. She was orange. LOL. She was nice... but was sooo orange - fake and bake. In anycase, she's billing Cigna... and I know these bras are covered. Sweet. The bra retails at $70. I might only have to pay $12.
And that's about it. My next appointment is next Thursday before surgery.
On a side note... it's kind of interesting. When I walk around, I can feel the wind take different directions on my head. It's because of the hair growing back. My head is not bald anymore. I hope I have enough hair so I won't have to wear a wig to Dad's wedding. Everyone pray that I will have hair. LOL.
Following the x-ray, I went up to the 9th floor for my EKG. I guess they want to know that my heart can take the upcoming surgery. It looked fantastic. I am still alive.
By this time it was 2:15 and I had to run back downstairs to the fifth floor to meet with the reconstructive surgeon, Dr. Hema Thakar. I can't tell you how cool she is. She went over pre-op stuff, like what is going to happen, what could happen and to reassure me and Brad that it most likely won't happen. We also got to see what the tissue expanders look like and a silicone breast implant. Most definitely silicone. Dr. Thakar even got a "medical" grade "stud finder" for the tissue expander. She showed us how it works and how they find the port where the saline is injected. Then she broke out a needle and showed us how the needle to inject the saline worked. She even let us practice on it. I mean, how seriously cool is that? To let us be little doctors! Ha! She left me with homework. She wants me to read a packet of information and then to write down questions. She also left us with information leading up to surgery and after care. So Brad and I will be reviewing that. I can't believe that the surgery is almost here. I can remember being so bummed that I would have to wait six months to get this horrible thing out of my body... and here it is... time to get it out. Dr. Thakar also wrote me a prescription to get mastectomy lingere. She suggested a store not too far away from Center for Health and Healing. She said that they have a camisole that zips in the front and inside you can hang the drains from the surgery. More on that later.
After our awesome pre-op with Dr. Thakar, it was up to the 7th floor. I needed to get blood drawn and my port flushed. Wow... port flushed one more time. That sucker is coming out next Friday. I hate it. While I was there, Jennifer came out and said hello and then took me to the infusion room. It's like a little family there. I love all the nurses. I even saw Jon. Jennifer and I talked a little. I saw Dr. Luoh's nurse, Angie. And then they took my blood. It was the fastest trip to the infusion room. I promised I would stop by again.
Following that, Brad and I went to the lingere store. We looked at three different types of mastectomy bras. The first looked like a normal bra with clasps in the front. It had little velcro pockets for the drains. The second was a cami... and it was one you step into. I didn't like that one. The third and the one I went with is a white one that zips in the front. Just like the bra, the drain holders velcroed to the inside of the cami. I will have to model it for you pre-op. It's got a little lace on the top... so I can at least feel a little feminine in it. The lady who helped me... omg! A little too much Jersey Shore. She was orange. LOL. She was nice... but was sooo orange - fake and bake. In anycase, she's billing Cigna... and I know these bras are covered. Sweet. The bra retails at $70. I might only have to pay $12.
And that's about it. My next appointment is next Thursday before surgery.
On a side note... it's kind of interesting. When I walk around, I can feel the wind take different directions on my head. It's because of the hair growing back. My head is not bald anymore. I hope I have enough hair so I won't have to wear a wig to Dad's wedding. Everyone pray that I will have hair. LOL.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Day 141 - Back to the beginning... sigh
It's back to the beginning. I got a call from the social worker at OHSU on Thursday delivering some bad news for oncology patients... or at least some of them. I was delivered the message that my oncologist was leaving the OHSU practice. That means Dr. Luoh is no longer my doctor! I am so bummed. Turns out he's not going far. In fact he's moving back to the Veteran's Hospital. I know that he's been "moonlighting" over there. So on Friday, I received a letter in the mail stating that Dr. Luoh was leaving effective July 1. It also states that Dr. Luoh was on "loan" to OHSU and will now be going back to the VA hospital full time. When I was talking with the social worker on the phone the previous day, she said that his nurse was in shock. I told her that while I knew his heart belonged to the VA, I was soooo happy that this didn't happen during my chemo sucky treatments. It would have devastated me to have to change doctors in mid process. I sure don't envy anyone going through chemo now and having to also change doctors. While I was supposed to pick up with him in September for hormone therapy, it's not as intense as the chemo part. The letter included a statement from the head of the department and then a letter from Dr. Luoh. His part went:
My Dear Patients:
It has been my great honor to work with you at the Oregon Health & Science University Breast Clinic at the Center for Health and Healing. Thank you for the trust that you hae placed in me and my staff at the Knight Cancer Institute. I am a faculty member at OHSU. Few of you know that I am actually a full time Medical Oncologist at the Portland VA Medical Center. I have been offering you my care as an exchange of service between OHSU and the VA. As of July 1, 2012 my work at the outpatient breast clinic at the Center for Health and Healing will end and I will shift my full time responsibility back to the VA Medical Center.
I am grateful for the opportunities to work with you. A group of respected medical oncologists have been assembled to take over your care. They will continue the journey that you and I charted together. You are in my thoughts and I will cheer you on in your fight against breast cancer.
Makes me want to enlist and then get out so I can be a patient at the VA! Ha! It was a nice little note he put in and goes to show he's a great doct. or. So now I have to pick a new doctor. - so it's like I am starting all over again. Fun times.
Tomorrow I have some pre-op tests and I have my pre-op appointment with Dr. Thaker, the reconstructive surgeon. I can't believe in less that two weeks I'll have my surgery and then I'll be rid of this ridiculous cancer. Well, I hope so... meaning that the chemo-sucky got all the other "floating" matter circulating in my body. It's surgery time... then recovery time and then radiation time.
While I am not looking forward to the surgery, I am looking forward to it. I want to be healthy again... but I wish it didn't have to come to a surgery taking away my breasts. I'm not upset or anything... but it just sucks. But in the end I will be cancer-free and I will have bigger boobs. I was trying on some bras this morning and thinking... I won't need these anymore in less than 14 days! Ha!
My Dear Patients:
It has been my great honor to work with you at the Oregon Health & Science University Breast Clinic at the Center for Health and Healing. Thank you for the trust that you hae placed in me and my staff at the Knight Cancer Institute. I am a faculty member at OHSU. Few of you know that I am actually a full time Medical Oncologist at the Portland VA Medical Center. I have been offering you my care as an exchange of service between OHSU and the VA. As of July 1, 2012 my work at the outpatient breast clinic at the Center for Health and Healing will end and I will shift my full time responsibility back to the VA Medical Center.
I am grateful for the opportunities to work with you. A group of respected medical oncologists have been assembled to take over your care. They will continue the journey that you and I charted together. You are in my thoughts and I will cheer you on in your fight against breast cancer.
Makes me want to enlist and then get out so I can be a patient at the VA! Ha! It was a nice little note he put in and goes to show he's a great doct. or. So now I have to pick a new doctor. - so it's like I am starting all over again. Fun times.
Tomorrow I have some pre-op tests and I have my pre-op appointment with Dr. Thaker, the reconstructive surgeon. I can't believe in less that two weeks I'll have my surgery and then I'll be rid of this ridiculous cancer. Well, I hope so... meaning that the chemo-sucky got all the other "floating" matter circulating in my body. It's surgery time... then recovery time and then radiation time.
While I am not looking forward to the surgery, I am looking forward to it. I want to be healthy again... but I wish it didn't have to come to a surgery taking away my breasts. I'm not upset or anything... but it just sucks. But in the end I will be cancer-free and I will have bigger boobs. I was trying on some bras this morning and thinking... I won't need these anymore in less than 14 days! Ha!
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