Day 167 - Breast Cancer Survivor?

Today has been a decent day so far. I woke up to two kids coming into my bedroom to say good bye to me as they were being herded off to daycare. I wanted to sleep some more. But that's all good. I like that my kids are excited to see me and want to give me kisses and hugs. However, I am sore. It's amazing that 25 cc's of saline in the tissue expanders has made my chest miserable. It's the skin that hurts the most. it's not necessarily the pectoral muscle that hurts. It almost feels like a burning sensation on my chest. But it's doable. I swallowed a few ibuprofen to help with the pain and it's doing good. I found that if I lay on my side, it doesn't hurt as much. But if I lay on my back, then it does hurt. And if I sit up or stand it barely hurts at all. It's like a dull ache. Looking in the mirror, I can tell that I am bigger. I make a much bigger curve in my shirts! :)
This morning as I was standing around the kitchen waiting for my coffee to be done percolating, I was wondering about survivorship. When does one call themselves a breast cancer survivor? I ask this because I received a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful and thoughtful gift in the mail from three of my real good friends. It's a handmade necklace with the word "survivor" handstamped in metal. Along with it a metal ribbon and a pink jewel. Made me cry. It was a wonderful tribute to me beating this awful disease. Now that all the cancer is out, I can celebrate... But am I truly a survivor? I still have radiation to go through, an oophorectomy and reconstruction. Is there a criteria where you can "stamp" yourself as a survivor? I did a google search (yes, it all comes down to google). I searched the phrase "When do you call yourself a breast cancer survivor?" There were a myriad of answers. Each is personal. Some say the moment you are diagnosed and you plan your course of action, to when the cancer is all out of your body, to after all the treatment is done, to never because there is no steadfast cure. Personally, I am not sure. In my humble opinion, I would not call myself a survivor the moment I figure out what treatment plan I am going to take and I know that I would never not call myself a survivor since there is still no permanent cure. That leaves me to calling myself a survivor somewhere in between. Yes, I am cancer free now. I could call myself a survivor. However, it doesn't quite feel right. I could call myself a survivor at the five year mark, but that doesn't feel right either. One person wrote on her blog that she just knew when she could call herself a survivor. There wasn't a characteristic that marked it. She just "knew." As of right now, that marker still hasn't come. Perhaps it will be when radiation is complete. Perhaps it will be once reconstruction is done. I know that radiation and the oophorectomy is a preventative treatment plan, but I still don't feel like a true survivor. Maybe that "light" will click on when I'm going through radiation. We shall see. As of right now, I feel like I am on my way to "survivorship" status. I'm not quite there. But I will let you know when I feel as if I am truly a breast cancer survivor. I'd love it if you would respond and tell me what your idea of "survivor" means. If you were in my shoes, when would you declare yourself as a survivor?
As for my AWS or cording. I have a physical therapy appointment on July 9. I have one on July 5th too with the therapist Dr. Naik recommended. However, they are out of network and my insurance will cover only 60% once I reach the out of pocket deductible of $1200! Ouch. So then I called my physical therapist I had been working with in January when the doctor thought it was a blocked milk duct. She had called me and told me that there are many therapists she works with that deal with lymphedema and such. Plus, her group is "in network" so everything will be paid for. :) So Tasha got me an appointment with a PT named Jess. So I will go in and work with her to get this cording issue dealt with. I need my arm to be flexible for radiation. They will need my arm to be up. So I need this taken care of asap. I am also continuing with my arm stretches. I am trying to get more flexibility in my shoulder as well as the arm... up to a certain point.

Boo hoo, this is my last day of my vacation. I am going back to work next week. Monday. But I work 2 days, have a day off and then work 2 more days before having 2 days off again. So it will be nice to ease into work. Fantastic.